uhhhhh how do i start this
* Tunes: Four Under The Floor *
that'll work
I'll admit, that run kept me on the edge of my seat at times. Some real bad stuff could've happened, but just didn't.
Believe me when I say there's a lot more rare characters in the game, we saw but a droplet of them.
We saw almost as many on our first run, I'll be honest.
Well, since we're talking about characters, I'll guess we'll cover the party first. We had a pretty consistent team this time around.
ESME 
ESME: BENCH PRESS DAY IN, DAY OUT
ESME: GET SWOOOOOOOOOOOLE
Esme's whole Seeker of the Forbidden Pump and GOD OF FURNITURE routine is mostly a reference to jokey headcanon between my brother and I and one particular berserk character that survived way more runs than they should have.
Mechanically, Martial Artist Berserker is volatile but quite effective. Esme was the frontliner we needed to pull us through the early game, although she'd later be better suited with a good sword or axe.
If you were wondering, she actually could have survived the event with the arcade machine, despite being tired. I just got bad luck there, which is a shame because she would've wrecked hordes with that axe.
At the end of the day, I don't usually expect Berserk characters to make it to Canada but they're useful while they last. There's not many events that have special results for Berserk! or the Angry-Strong subtype, but they help.
* ALEX *
ALEX: You know, I'm glad I eventually got over that skeleton fear.
Alex was the sleeper MVP of this team. Going from a no-stats Explorer City Seeker to a maxed out mechanical good fighter, she made it way longer than I would've thought. Standing as the only party member with all three inventory slots kinda has that effect. Having the extra fireproof trait doesn't hurt either.
Character-wise, the choice to make her vaguely British was just something that happened in the moment. She just kinda rolls with whatever goes on as the sane basis that the narrative needed, not questioning too much. She lacked any real direction in life before and after the zompocalypse, which is how she ended up with Esme.
She was almost definitely one of those people who travels the world a bunch aimlessly before the *MYSTERIOUS AMNESIA*
She was also the only person on the team with any measure of loyalty, I think. Kaiju had average loyalty, maybe?
~ LANK ~
LANK: Wah?
Lank is a legally distinct character and we here at Death Road Narratives are not liable for HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
If there was a character I wanted to find on this run, Lank was easily in the top three. Mechanically good, and just a pure level of
that would be the perfect display of the fun characters available. The bit with the anime mask was not planned, but it was an Lank is most definitely a mutual carry. He starts out kinda eh and you have to escort him through a few missions, but he'll start contributing decently with the White Sword. When he gets the M#ster Sword and a point or two of fitness, he's ready to frontline like nobody else. This dude just turns zombies into salsa.
We never actually used a Lnk Bomb, mostly in part to the generally few equip slots on the team. That there was already one other friendly fire risk on the team.
She's also up next!
GAL FIERI 
GAL FIERI: In my defense, you shouldn't have made it so flammable.
Totally not a parody of Guy Fieri, Gal brought the Flavor Experience to this run, whether we needed it or not. She didn't end up actually killing any team members despite a few misfires, so I guess it worked out okay. Character-wise, she's a possible fallen TV star after her... "hobby" of fire got a hold of her. Normally she'd have played more into her past fame and persona, but she realized the group of weirdos she'd fallen in with wouldn't really care either way.
The use of this build is very niche (and was a clerical error on my part in the first place), but proved to be quite nice when the right moments arrived. I'll say it again- Napalm is extremely good in this game when applied right, and a normal launcher is fully worth every trashburger.
I won't deny, Gal was a liability a lot of the time, but this type of character would be very good to find late in most runs or just before a scheduled siege. It's just a shame about not being able to turn the thing off to save gas.
-SUMO-
SUMO: Did you know that Sumo wrestlers aren't allowed to drive cars? There's a lot of really specific rules.
He didn't end up joining the team, which I think was the better choice. If you really need a tank, Sumo's quite durable and has a high knockback push, but there are better options. At the time, we needed more offense and less defensive play, and in general, offense is usually the best defense in this game.
I believe he also has the Gourmand trait, which is a pricy tax on food consumption.
BRYU 
BRYU: Hadookin'?!
Bryu and Saguts are mostly the same character in practice. They're not half bad, but the AI is terrible at playing them. Hadooks are really pricy on stamina use, but it's nearly the only thing the AI will do. The secondary kick bound to the weapons swap button isn't half bad.
Given the nature of the AI on these characters, I give them the "Player good, AI bad" designation like a number of otherwise fun characters end up with. I really focused on not letting Alex die at this point, so I was mostly sticking to using her.
He wasn't amazing, but at the end of the day his punching power was appreciated to help make up for Esme's absence and the team being tired at the time.
Character-wise, I'll be honest, I don't play much Street Fighter so uh
there's only so much I can do with incoherent battlecries
KAIJU 
KAIJU: ...Yeah, I'm never getting out of this thing, am I?
The thread voted for Kaiju over BRYU, and honestly it was a good call mechanically. Even with only 1 slot, I feel like she was much more useful for the fact I could give her a weapon and she had about the same physical stats. She mostly ended up with the axe later just because she had a lot more strength and some better fitness than Alex, which let her use it more.
In writing her, I went for two angles. The first is that she's been stuck in the suit so long she's kinda just very used to ignoring the consequences of said suit (uncontrollable screeching, tearing up everything, the smell). The other is that she's an anime fan that tries to act like she's not one. Also that this whole situation she's in was probably easily avoided.
The whole thing with the Anime Club was something I thought of when we recruited Kaiju, but never thought would actually happen. And, then it just kinda did. The only thing worse than not having enough money to fix your car is getting stood up on a monster date.
THE LAST BODYBUILDER
TLB: *MOURNFUL GRUNT*
Known more easily as TLB, this guy's a fun character... for you. Since we'll probably never see him again, I'll go ahead and explain his gimmick. So, TLB has a strength score of 126, when the base max is 6. A Berserk TSTC can get up to 12.
...Yeah, it's a lot. The caveat is that TLB cannot attack, he merely flexes. The only method he has of fighting is throwing furniture, and given his unsurpassed strength, there's very little he can't throw. Dumpsters, fridges, yanking toilets from the plumbing, even ruined cars.
The latter is hilariously destructive if you do ever get the chance. Tunnel runs and the Canada bridge run are so easy with TLB on hand. The problem is having furniture to throw: if there is none or you break all of it, he's out of ammo. On the upside, he regularly gives uplifting speeches which is great for morale.
A secret upgrade also exists that lets him throw zombies around, which completely fixes his ammo situation, but good luck finding that when you've got him in your party!
-THE RUN-
The three big things I remember looking back on this run are the drought of food we hit about mid-way, the unluckiness with cars, and probably the most rescues I've done in a run.
We also had pretty few bandits, I think. That was nice given how beat up we were around the day 11 area.
We saved 4 people I believe, and every time I was just hoping for food or gas. Moody or Giga Guy would've been some strong characters to have recruited at the time, but we pretty much had no food every time we hit a trading camp.
The latter end of the run with the starting morale spiral had me really on edge. Normally I don't get too on edge about runs these days unless it's deep in some high difficulty run, but not wanting to lose the LP team brings that care back.
We absolutely could've tantrumed out at a point to get the dreaded despair sieges. While I think we might've been able to take it with all the firepower we had, we definitely would've lost someone.
Kaiju's grating nature really came in handy too- I still stand by the decision to use it on the limping lady. The one thing we direly needed was morale, and this gave it to us in spades.
Believe me, you don't know how good the final gauntlet dexterity boost is until you don't have it.
Also, it was just really fun to just plain dunk on the City of Lost Hopes even though I could've hid in a building. We had a pretty lucky closed circle layout there, and I know it wouldn't have gone so smoothly without it.
In the end, Gal's napalm only carried us for an hour and a half, and neither Kaiju or Alex were more than average fighters. Lank put in tons of work there, and on an unluckier layout we'd need another character of his crowd clearing capabilities at the minimum.
It was a good run, and a ton of fun. Having to write a narrative when you never know what's coming next is a big challenge, but there's a certain fun in flying by the seat of your pants.
As for the next run? Well, we shall see, in time...
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DIEDRA: Ratland needs me. I have to go back.
FRAN: ...And why is that? Don't you remember how they kicked us out?
DIEDRA: It's been taken over again. I caught word from a loyalist...
DIEDRA: The Illumirati have shown themselves.
FRAN: The what?
DIEDRA: The Queen-Empress returns to defend her homeland!
FRAN: ...Your "homeland" is West Virgina.
DIEDRA: Not anymore! Wasn't rad enough.
WILL RATLAND BE FREED FROM THE GRASP OF THE ILLUMIRATI? WILL FRAN EVER GET TO STAY IN CANADA? WHY IS THIS IN ALL CAPS?
FIND OUT............SOMETIME
FOR NOW JUST
*COOL IT*