James Bond Meets a Children's Tabletop Game. Let's Play UNO Undercover

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Hello! I'm Pgj1997, and welcome to a new let's play.

Originally, I was going to do something pretty ambitious for a text-based let's play, but long story short, the game I intended on playing is best played with a controller, and the joystick on my wired Xbox Series X|S controller decided to break on me.

So, while I wait to get a new one, I decided to instead do a let's play on an obscure PC game from the 2000s I discovered recently. It seemed really interesting, and something I definitely wanted to try out.

This is "UNO Undercover". A licensed PC game by a company called "Golden Goose Productions". A company that, from what I could find, made no other games aside from this and a game called "Fate: Undiscovered Realms" (no, not that Fate, as admittedly more interesting as that sounds).

On the surface, this game just looks like a run-of-the-mill video game adaptation of UNO, just with a kind of "girl power" theme going for it. But it's actually so much more than that, fittingly, under the cover.

The game itself is hiding a very interesting and ambitious concept. Firstly, this game has a story mode. Hold on, it gets better. The reason this game is called "UNO Undercover" is because it's spy-themed. We play as a spy named "Felicia Blue", and help her track down other spies on covert espionage missions, all while solving problems with games of UNO likes it's Yu-Gi-Oh! or something. That sounds extremely campy and ridiculous, and I'm all here for it!

On top of that, the game has its own set of new cards, and rules to go with them. All of which take full advantage of this being a digital game, and would be next to impossible to bring over to a physical edition of UNO. And in case you're wondering, yes, the new cards in this game were recently accounted for in Massacre Mansion's "UNO Amalgam'' project, but even he had to admit that creative liberties needed to be taken just to get the cards included.

The game was released as shareware, which means you're free to download it from your favorite game preservation website of choice. However, I did come across pictures of the game's box art (which is what I used for the header. Sorry it's so big. Apparently this forum's fork of bbcode doesn't allow scaling). and listings of new old stock on Amazon, so it looks like the game got a physical release as well. The game was published by RealArcade, so there's a good chance it was also installed on your family's old desktop computer through that flashy game launcher it came bundled with as a form of bloatware.

I probably don't need to explain what the rules of UNO are. The game's been memed to death in recent years, and there's more people who know the intricacies of the game thanks to the Ubisoft version that "came free with your fucking Xbox". The important part is that this game uses the rules of base UNO, circa 2008. So no Discard Color cards, and no wacky house rule shenanigans with the Blank Wild card.

So, let's start this absurd game of bootleg Crazy Eights, and Reverse Card right into UNO Undercover!
Last edited by pgj1997 on Tue May 14, 2024 11:43 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Starting up for the first time, the game is asking us to name our profile, so give me a sec as I come up with a fitting and clever name for us all.

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Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!

Now, let's click "Adventure Game", and start

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We start out journey with what appears to be a mother and her two kids as they travel on a road trip. Let's assume that red rectangle at the bottom is supposed to be a convertible, and not question the artistic decisions going on in this very first scene.

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Ah the early 2000s. Back when smartphones weren't invented yet, and we didn't have unlimited data to keep the kids entertained on long car trips. Good times.

The mother asks her husband if they could drop in on her cousin "Houston Starlet" at her mansion. Meanwhile. the kids try to entertain themselves by singing a rendition off "99 Bottles (of Beer on the Wall)" renamed with the game's sponsor.

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Boy, it's a good thing the script writers included that "Registered Trademark" symbol every time someone says the word "UNO". Otherwise, who knows how much legal trouble this game could have been in!

Understandably, the parents get annoyed by this pretty quickly, and do not want to hear the whole song in its entirety. And who can blame them? It's "12 Days of Christmas" except it goes on for an eternity, and drives you insane.

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"You be quiet, Junior! That is no way to talk to your sister!" No seriously. His name is "Junior". The most generic name for a child character ever.

Anyway, the father suggests the mother play a game of UNO with the kids to keep them entertained. Ignoring the impracticality of playing a card game in a car of all things (unless it's UNO Car-Go or something), she obliges, and we start our first game.

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Funny joke, but I bet this was the writers trying to vent their frustrations about writing this absurdist story. Also, I wonder how high she ranks on the smartphone app.

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Here's the game's interface. The dialogue went by too fast for me to show you this, but from what I saw, Junior saw that I had an Blue 8 in my hand, and Katie calls him out for cheating. Yes, game, your attempt at writing mischievous child characters is very funny, but please don't let the entire game be like this.

Anyway, this is the tutorial, so the deck is stacked in your favor to win this one. Or you can just click that big "SKIP" button on the top right there if you're someone with a brain.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Tue May 14, 2024 1:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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We arrive in California. The setting of too many pieces of American media to count. Remember everybody: California is the only state that exists. There aren't any others. Ohio? What's that?

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Here's our menu interface. going clockwise on all the buttons starting from the top-left, MENU is well, the pause menu. Nothing else to say there. That bag is the dressing room where we can change Felicia's outfit, which I'm assuming changes her portraits in the dialogue. We only have one outfit available at the moment, but assume we'll be unlocking more throughout this game. The third button is Felicia's private blimp. Because of course she has a private blimp. Click on the different rooms or the buttons at the bottom to check your progress throughout the game. Click the down arrow or the hatch on the right-hand side to return back to where you were. The fourth button is a shortcut to the blimp's briefing room. Now, the buttons at the bottom are locations we can go to. Fortunately, the magnifying glass spells out where we need to go, so click on "Mansion", and we'll head that way.

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This woman is blocking our path. She says Huston is at the salon at the moment, and essentially tells us to make like a plane in the Bermuda Triangle, and get lost. The kids want to go to the beach, and Felicia obliges.

Click "Beach", and continue.

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Boy, you can tell how out of touch the writers were. This game came out in 2008. Nobody said "cowabunga" unironically by that point.

Someone reading a newspaper gives the husband a coupon that's "Good for any clearance item at your local shop". Boy, whatever non-specific shop this is for must really want to get rid of their old stock if they need to make a coupon that gives a discount for the clearance section of all things.

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It looks like Felicia has noticed that there isn't an expiration date on the coupon. That totally doesn't sound sus at all.

Click "Shoppe" (the writers wanted to be fancy, I guess), and continue.

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We're greeted by this guy running a boutique. He makes a very non-subtle fourth wall joke by telling us we can try on outfits with the mouse. And Felicia makes a funny comment on how a clothing store doesn't have a changing room.

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We only have a voucher for one of these items. For now, I'll pick the red swimsuit, I guess? It looks like something Pauline from the Mario series would wear to a beach level. Felicia hits the beach, and we get a progress point. Yay.

Click "Beach" again to continue.

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And now we officially begin our first real game of UNO. I know it's probably because I'm screenshotting everything, but it feels like this took forever.

Not much to say except that Katie, like a dumbass, forgot to call out UNO when she had one card left, so I got to call her out on it. Four times. I love being merciless and unsportsmanlike on my children in this card game intended for small children!

So apparently that guy we just faced is a movie star named "Jorge Cleanie" (ugh...). He came here to do research for his role in the movie "The Man in Van Down By the Beach", a name that is unrealistically way too long for anyone to remember, and that bothers me. He also owns a casino. Reminder that UNO branded slot machines are a thing.

Click "Mansion" to continue.

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This bitch tells us that people in California always quote "try to dress UP for the vacation". First off, how dare you! Everyone should dress the way they want to as long as they like wearing it. Second, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard someone from Cali ever say. As someone who's from a coastal state, you DON'T want to wear heavy clothing during the summer. Just sayin'. Presumably to blow off steam, Felicia goes shopping again.

Click "Shoppe" to continue.

We don't have the right voucher to buy a dress, so Felicia decides to ask Cleanie for one.

Click "Casino" to continue.

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Oh. That was easy, Gee, there sure is a lack of UNO in this game with "UNO" in the title. Hope this doesn't become a recurring issue.

Click "Shoppe" to continue.

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Don't explain the joke... And either way, the joke doesn't work anyway because both words are homophones. If this game had proper voice acting, this would fall flat on its face. Yes, I am trying to find things to nitpick here. If you couldn't tell, nothing has happened.

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The right choice should be blatantly obvious.

Click "Mansion" to continue.

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We meet up with Huston, who tells us she's about to win her tenth game of UNO in a row. Something tells me she paid the dealer to stack the deck in her favor. Take a wild guess where this goes. No pun intended.

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And we won our first trophy! Huston accuses us of ruining her party. Also, it's here we get our first mention of the "UNO World Tournament". Something that will probably be important later. I'm not sure, but I think it sounds important.

Anyway...

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Well someone's got their tits in a knot.

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We've unlocked our first command card! This is one of the new mechanics added to the game. This one is the Yellow Reverse Skip. As the name implies, it reverses the turn order, then the next player is skipped. It may not sound like much right now, but trust me, these cards get pretty busted later in the game.

Okay, so far, we're at a slow but otherwise very riffable start. It's very easy to poke fun at writing that's as simplistic at this. Cross your fingers that the game picks up later.

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Oh, I loved this game as a kid. And I was just thinking about it!

Excited to reminisce with this.

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Fortunately, in this game, you can very easily pick right up where you left off. You don't even need to try and remember what you were doing, since the magnifying glass tells you where you need to go next. I know I made a joke condemning this earlier, but that's because I initially thought it was only there because "babby gaim". Turns out this mechanic actually does serve a handy purpose. Go figure! I've known about the natural problem of players forgetting what they were doing last time they played. I've been guilty of that myself a few times. Some games have hint systems to try and remedy this, but you often have to go out of your way for this, and it essentially punishes you for something completely understandable. This game is nice enough to go "Hey, in case you forgot, here's where you need to go next." The only other thing I can think of that even does something like this is the later Pokémon games, which you're already meant to play in short bursts. Never thought UNO of all things would introduce such an innovative mechanic, but here we are!

Anyway, to start this mission, click "Casino".

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This bouncer tells us that the casino is on lockdown due to a security breach. I bet a lot of money was stolen from the establishment, which is really ironic if you think about it. He asks Felicia if she has any command cards, but she responds saying "I used to, but I gave them up when I quit the Agency". The plot thickens. I guess this was implied earlier, but it turns out Felicia is a retired spy. Gee, I wonder if this will go anywhere. More specifically, she was a special ops agent for "The UNO Rules Enforcement Agency". Given the name, it sounds like people who'd burst into people homes all FBI style if they caught someone trying to cheat in a game of UNO, as if that's something that needs to be lawfully enforced. Given the premise so far, maybe UNO actually does need rule enforcing in this universe, but it's still really funny to imagine. Fortunately, some of Felicia's old colleagues are inside, and are investigating the crime scene.

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No, guess I was wrong. Someone smelling of bananas broke in and stole the casino's reserve of command cards. I'm guessing UNO is also a poker-like game in this universe as well. I mean, makes sense. I remember coming across an UNO rulebook as a kid mentioning a casino-style ruleset for UNO, and that smartphone game I brought up earlier has you bet set amounts of your typical freemium in-game currency to give you incentive to keep playing. The point is, I can very easily see UNO being used for gambling, so I can run with it.

The bouncer says they suspect the culprits are trying to turn UNO into a monopoly, which would be a funny reference if UNO and Monopoly weren't owned by two completely separate companies. Or maybe that was supposed to be the joke. Who's to say, really? The bouncer asks Felicia to come back later when they're done gathering evidence, thinking she'd be of help. Felicia decides to go to the beach to kill some time.

Click "Beach" to continue.

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Micheal Clayton here is back, and is asking for vouchers, pretending to be someone named "Gamblin' Gary". Felicia, being a former spy, sees right through his ruse, and doesn't want to deal with this bullshit. She tells him that he'd just blow them all anyway. "Gary" gets defensive, saying that he was a successful sea captain before he was a beach bum, which I'm assuming is a reference to a George Clooney movie? I don't consider myself a movie buff, but that sounds more like a reference to "Castaway", which was a Tom Hanks role, not George Clooney. But maybe I'm wrong, and this is referencing something else.

"Gary" then reveals that a woman tricked him, and won a game of UNO with a card he'd never seen before. Felicia says that she's heard this story before, and assumes this to be the work of "Madame Zero". Okay, side tangent here. There's a house rule that I discovered in that smartphone game where playing "0" cards causes everyone to pass thier hand to the next players in the respective turn order. Given her name, wouldn't it be cool if her command card did something like that? As a little nod to this rule? I think so. Anyway, we start a game of UNO with "Gary".

This is our first 1v1 match. Most people already know this, but in 1v1 games, Skips and Reverses have the same effect. So, if you have the right colored cards, you can shed off a good number of cards by chaining them strategically. It's a sure-fire way to salt your opponent, and really satisfying to pull off. Remember that Draw 2s and Wild Draw 4s also cause a turn skip, and the infamous stacking house rule isn't a thing in this game (maybe someone could mod it in. Doubt anyone's going to, but it would be nice), so you can use those with this strategy too.

During the match, "Gary" tells us that the command card Madame Zero used had "Zs" on it instead of numbers. If you ask me, that sounds like a special Wild Card. A lot of themed versions of UNO lazily put new gimmicks on one or two Wild Cards for the sake of adding a new rule, but most of the time, all they do is disrupt the pacing. "Gary" says he found himself asleep, and woke up face first in a bowl of oatmeal.

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Click "Casino" to continue.

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This fine-looking gentleman has found a badge on the floor, assuming Felicia dropped it. But...

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The good news is we have a new character and aquaintence. The bad news is that this game beat me to it on making a clever name centered around the word "uno". Oh well.

Agent UNO is suspicious of the culprits, stating that villains don't just retire and start families. But now, crime rate has increased. A laughing soundbyte played during that bit of dialouge, which sounded like his attempt at a James Bond-esque witty remark. He challenges us to a friendly game of UNO for old times sake, and we oblige.

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Okay, the reason I screenshotted this is because the rest of the players are named after Spanish numbers, and that means one of them is named "Agent Dos". This aged really well, and is funny because UNO actually got a sequel game a few years ago, fittingly called "DOS" (which has a cult fanbase, but hasn't really managed to catch on as much as far as I know). Also, if you noticed, Agent Tres isn't here. Felicia brings it up, and at first it's implied that he died, or unfortunately got shot during a mission. I got taken aback for a minute, thinking the game was actually going to pull a move like that. But Agent UNO reassures that he's fine, and Agent Tres actually got promoted to the Solitaire division. Good for him. This is a joke that also aged well, since there's a version of UNO called "UNO Wild Twists". It's just a standard 52-deck of playing cards, but there's also eight additional cards to justify the UNO branding. One's a Wild card acting as the Joker, two are color-specific Wilds (one red, one black), and four are Wilds for each of the suits. So, if you remove these extra cards, you can actually play Solitaire with the deck. Wow, this game sure is doing a lot of unintentional foreshadowing of what UNO would later become in a few years.

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Agent UNO asks Felicia if she'll ever return to the agency. She says she'll consider it, but needs to talk it over with her family first. Agent UNO reminds Felicia that she needs to keep that a secret. Given that the world is at stake here, Felicia decides that keeping this knowledge from her family is worth it, and makes a grand return to her position as a secret agent.

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I like the design of this badge. The gem in the center has the general shape of a Draw 2, but it's enclosed in a circle surrounded by other gems representing each card color, just like a Wild. I appreciate the little details.

Agent UNO tells Felicia to meet up with a new recruit on her way to HQ, and leaves. But not before making a witty pun.

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Click "Beach" to continue.

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Plot twist! "Gary" is the new recruit. He tells Felicia that "An elderly woman with a head full of stars" has a package for her. As per the spy trope, he gives a super specific question she has to ask in order to prove her identity.

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Felicia welcomes "Gary" to the agency, and takes off.

Click "Casino" to continue.

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Immediately afterwards, we're thrown in to another game of UNO. I guess "Gary" was mistaken or something? Or perhaps this is just an innocent bystander, since she claims to know nothing of the sort. The other players mention that the sky will be full of constellations tonight, and the old lady tells Felicia to "look up at the sky and just imagine". A phrase that totally doesn't sound cryptic at all. Felicia notices something glowing inside the woman's purse, but predictably, she dodges any further questioning.

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Without having being told her name, the woman seems to already know Felicia, and welcomes her back to the agency. The woman gives her a homing beacon so HQ can find Felicia, and pick her up in the blimp. ...Even though we already had access to the blimp before hand. Maybe it's a different blimp? Like, does everyone in the agency get a free blimp? Or maybe the writers didn't care. Let's go with that.

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Felicia brings up the fact that blimps are impractical, and questions why the agency doesn't use something smaller. Preferably something that doesn't have a stigma named "Hindenburg" attached to it. After that, we receive...

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...And carry on.

Click "Shoppe" to continue.

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I'll pick the white trench coat, since it's what Felicia is seen wearing on the box art, and in the game's icon. I will wear this from here on out unless I'm required to do otherwise.

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Click "Mansion" to continue.

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Felicia tells her family that she's going to compete in the International UNO League, but wants their approval first. Fortunately, she reassures the family that they get to travel with her, so they oblige. Felicia tells them she needs to fill out "paperwork", and heads off.

A blimp materializes out of thin air. Actually, not really. The blimp has a cloaking device built into it, which solves the whole "impractical" thing she was complaining about earlier. Also, she makes a Star Trek reference.

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Right on cue, this guy shows up. Turns out he's the one that people ask to "be beamed up", per se. This is Agent U, who invents and provides the gadgetry for the agency. I'm going to interpret him as a representation for the UNO versions where the gimmick is some sort of plastic device (like UNO Attack, UNO Tippo, or UNO Wild Jackpot), since I think that sounds cool. He gives us a welcome back present: a new command card.

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This is the Red Reverse Draw 2. When played, the turn order is reversed, and the next player afterward has to draw two cards. Essentially the same as the Reverse Skip, but with some extra punch. Also, if you're wondering how command cards work, they appear to be shuffled in the deck once we unlock them, but I don't think the AI can ever draw them. Only we can. But I'm willing to bet this isn't the case in the multiplayer mode.

It turns out that Star Trek reference was very literal, as Agent U reveals the blimp has a tractor beam, which pulls Felicia aboard.

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Felicia makes yet another pun around a homophone. Though thankfully this one works a lot better. Actually, Agent U was responsible for that one. The joke was obvious, so of course he'd go for it.

Madame Zero is revealed to be Felicia's old nemesis, and has escaped from prison. Agent U sets up a rendezvous point in Paris, and Felicia heads off to put a stop to Madame Zero's tournament. U told her that "an enemy of an enemy" is also in Paris, and has info on her. Thus, leading into the next mission, which we will continue next time.

Okay, things are starting to get interesting. We've got some world building in the form of The UNO Rules Enforcement Agency, and it even has some nice little nods to the card game itself thrown in there for good measure. Which I like. Interested to see where they take this concept.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Thu May 16, 2024 1:25 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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To start this mission, click "Back Alley".

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We start off by meeting an offensive stereotype that probably would not go over well if this were released in the modern day. This baguette carrying guy says that there's someone in Morocco who has contacted a traveler's alignment. Whatever that means. He gives Felicia the guy's invitation in order to convince him of... Something. Hang on. I'm gonna look up what a "traveler's alignment" is, because we're not even a minute into this mission, and I'm already confused.

...Okay, I just looked it up, and all I found were times the term was used in other fictional works. So your guess is as good as mine as to what's going on.

Alright, here's something. Turns out this guy is actually an agent in disguise. That's not much better, but at least it's a decent explanation for the racist stereotyping. He has a plan to shut Madame Zero down, but first, we need to brief everyone to a precise location in Morocco. We obtain a red voucher, and the agent tells us to go to the boutique, as he ordered something special for Felicia before she got here.

Click "Boutique" to continue.

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The item in question appears to be a Polaroid camera, and is the only thing we can by at the moment.

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I bet this is actually one of U's gadgets. Given the name. Anyway, Felicia heads straight for Morocco.

Click "Hotel" to continue.

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We meet a tourist who's fallen ill. So Felicia asks if she could take his invitation off his hands. He obliges, but not before a game of UNO to test if we're worthy enough.

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We obtain the invitation. Here's what it looks like:

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The tourist says Felicia is going to have to do a better job impersonating him, so he gives us yellow and blue vouchers to buy something with.

Click "Market" to continue.

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In case you're wondering, the hat doesn't quite look like the one on the box art, so I'm not going to wear it all the time. I will buy these two items, and wear it for the time being, since this is required to continue on.

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Either this is the game's Adobe Flash framework bugging out on my modern PC, or the developers forgot to properly layer Felicia's eyes under the glasses.

Click "Café" (which is spelled wrong in-game, by the way) to continue.

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Felicia tells the guy to say "Cheese", and apparently that Polaroid was embedded with Hermit Purple, since we got a surveillance photo instead.

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And with that, Felicia flies back to Paris.

Click "Back Alley" to continue.

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We meet up again with the undercover agent. Felicia says now it's time to head back to Morocco, and put a stop to all of this. Coming back here was completely pointless. Thank you for your time.

Click "Café" to continue. Make sure you're wearing the tourist's outfit. Otherwise, the guard will notice your funny business, and you won't continue (but fortunately Felica manages to vanish before anything happens).

And with that, we start a game of UNO with Madame Zero, and her henchwomen.

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Or prize for winning is a genie lamp. But according to the item description, it's not a real one. It's neat, though.

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While being carried off to prison, she dropped our next command card.

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This is the Green Skip Draw 2. If you couldn't tell from the name, and the other cards before this one, this card skips the next player's turn, and then the player after that has to draw two cards, effectively making this a double Skip card. See? I told you these cards would get more busted as we went along. I wonder how this works in 1v1 matches. Does it skip the player's turn and then you have to draw two cards for the sake of balance, or does it just make the opponent draw two since their turn gets skipped over anyway? If this comes up, I'll let you know.

Oh, and it looks like I was wrong about Madame Zero's name being a reference to the "0" house rule. That's a shame. A missed opportunity, if you ask me.

Felicia heads back to Paris, stating she loves this job. Seems like the thrill is coming back to her.

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We meet up with Agent UNO, who was sent to remind her to spy on her cousin (presumably Huston), as they have reason to believe that she was in cahoots with Madame Zero. Currently, she's at "Le Club D'Eiffel". Wouldn't be a plot set in Paris if the Eiffel Tower wasn't involved in some way. He gives us a green voucher for us to use next time.

Well, that was pretty fun. The match against Madame Zero actually took quite a while, and I actually lost to one of her henchwomen the first time (don't worry, there's no real punishment for losing. You can just try again). I don't understand why we needed to be dropped off in Paris when most of this mission took place in Morrocco. To me, it just seemed jarring and unnecessary. Minor complaint, but just a bit of fluff that could've easily been taken out.

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To start this next mission, click "Eiffel Tower".

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Felicia says she might need a wig, and some shoes. Which is going overboard, if you ask me.

Click "Boutique" to continue

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It looks like we don't have any vouchers. Oh, um... That's a problem. Did... Did I just softlock? HOW? Alright, gimme a sec here.

Alright, here's what I did. In the game's "AppData" folder (located in "Roaming/UNOUndercover"), I went to "Profiles/0". In this folder is a file named "items.xml". At the bottom of this file is the values for vouchers. I gave myself one of each of what we needed, and saved it.

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There we go. Yes, this is cheating, but how else was I supposed to progress? Anyway, I picked the one on the right.

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Felicia says she still needs to something about her hair, even though I bought a wig. Was I not supposed to be able to buy a complete set? Whatever. I don't care.

Click "Back Alley" to continue

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This guy rudely tells Felicia her hair isn't chic. But fortunately, he's a wig salesman. He challenges us to a game of UNO for one.

During this match, I discovered what the Green Skip Draw 2 does in 1v1 matches. It essentially just turns into a Draw 2. Mystery solved!

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Isn't all disco just considered pop music now? Anyway, now we have another wig. Yay. The wig is immediately put on, and Felicia understandably cringes at it. Now she needs to find matching shoes. The guy says that a shoemaker works at the café, however that works.

Click "Café" to continue

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Oh goody. We have two French stereotypes in this game. First we had a man with a tiny mustache carrying baguettes speaking with a heavy accent, and now we have the French asshole. Really hope this game dials it down a bit. Things will get pretty uncomfortable otherwise. He says the shoes are an insult to her beautiful face. Was that an insult or a compliment? I couldn't tell. He challenges us to a game of UNO for a pair, which I will gladly wipe the floor with him in. Connard.

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Oh god, he's also named after the Looney Tunes character that had to be shelved for the exact same reason. Of course he is. It gets worse. During the match, he mentions that he's single, and starts hitting on the other players. You know, Pepé Le Pew's entire character. Zut alors... Please let this be over soon.

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Please stop it game. You're making it worse.

Thinking no one will recognize her now, Felicia heads to the Eiffel Tower, ready to party.

Click "Eiffel Tower" to continue.

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Turns out this party is for couples only, and Felicia walks away in a huff. She decides to hang around the streets for someone to... take with her... on a... date... ...Oh no. Is this going where I think it's going?

Click "Eiffel Tower" to continue.

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Time passes long enough for a total of four periods to form an ellipsis in her dialogue box before she gets impatient.

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Then this woman shows up.

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And then this guy.

The woman complains that her heels always break, and Felicia decides to give U a call, having an idea.

Go to the blimp to continue.

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Felicia asks Agent U to make a pair of heels that are rigged to break. He asks if she wants them to explode, and goes into detail on the specifics on what she wants. He was about to go into a whole spiel about laughing gas before Felicia interrupted him. Anyway, he obliges.

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Click "Eiffel Tower" to continue.

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Okay, good. The guy who saves us isn't that shoemaker in the café that probably brags about his shoesize to the women all day. Thank you for finally showing some restraint, game. Felicia asks the man to escort her inside the club, and he obliges.

Right away, we're thrown into a game of UNO with Huston and five other people. A seven-player game, which is the most so far. Anyway, do your best, and win. During the match, Huston mentions how rude Felicia is, as far as she knows, behind her back. This doesn't go anywhere. Just one of those "A painfully obvious disguise somehow manages to fool someone, but they admit it, so it's supposed to be funny" jokes.

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I'm guessing that means "Safe travels, my friend."

Thier guess was right. Huston is in cahoots with the bad guys. Felicia heads off for her next assignment. U shows up, and gives us our next command card.

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This is the card that was foreshadowed earlier: the Green Sleep card. You play this card, then any number card on top of it. Then, you pick a player, and they lose that many turns. Given that the number cards go up to 9, this could be extremely damaging in the right circumstances.

U gives us our next location: Scotland. A person named "Mad Duke" is on the loose, who is also in cahoots with Madame Zero, and we need to stop him. And we'll do that next time.

Yeesh... This mission was hard to sit through. Ignoring the softlock, this chapter was just uncomfortable. Yeah, I understand back in the day this probably wasn't considered that offensive, and the only thing we should take from it is "what we just saw wasn't okay then, and it definitely isn't okay now", but still, oof.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Fri May 17, 2024 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Big Fish Games circa 2010 (?) was a wild place.

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In this mission, we're starting out by taking the family on a picnic in Scotland. To start, click "Picnic".

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Oh no! Our picnic is being interrupted by the some of weirdest people on the planet: furries!

Junior is scared and can't understand a word they're saying. I'm guessing because of their Scottish accent. One of the men said that a person named "Mad Marmaduke McHaggis" (there was a lot of a's in that name in the dialogue. Because sheep) owns this land and wants us to leave. They challenge us to a game of UNO, and if we beat them, we can stay. If we lose, they'll have to "feed the bairns somewhere else", whatever that means.

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Oh, that's nothing. If you want good confectionary, go to Japan. The stuff they come up with there is amazing.

Anyway, one of the men gives us something in return for feeding them, a secret handshake. They also reveal their names "Wooly Bullies". An animation of said handshake also played, but I wasn't quick enough to screenshot it.

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Just imagine both hands panning in from both sides of the screen. They collide, and the thumbs wiggle a little. That's basically all it amounted to.

Click "Festival" to continue.

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Yeah, and you had a character say "cowabunga" earlier. I don't think you're one to talk about what's hip with the kids these days, game.

Anyway, Junior sees a log throwing completion (just for brownie points, I looked up what this is called. "The Caber Toss"), and wants to join in. The dad gives him permission. Katie, meanwhile, goes to the petting zoo to pet some sheep. Presumably real sheep this time. Felicia heads off to the castle, presumably to start her mission in secret.

Click "Castle" to continue.

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With that racist remark from Felicia, she gives the Wooly Bully the secret handshake. This time, I managed to screenshot it.

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The Wooly Bully still won't let her in because she's not wearing a wooly cap.

Click "Festival" to continue.

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It's UNO time! The wooly bullies say they'll give her a wooly cap if we beat them. During the match, one of the players namedrops a character named "Misses Zilch". Obviously, he meant Madame Zero.

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I really hope Felicia isn't required to bleat like a goat all the time. This bleating makes the dialogue pretty hard to read.

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Hey, yeah. It somewhat matches the trenchcoat I picked. This is automatically applied to our character, and we will be wearing it throughout this mission.

Click "Castle" to continue.

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Calling it "A feast of fat things" isn't really saying much, considering that most animals are fed various foods before being slaughtered. Where do you think the term "fattening up" comes from? Anyway, the man challenges us to a game of UNO while we eat. It's officially an UNO party! Thankfully, we aren't playing "UNO Dare", or things would get awkward. Or even worse, "UNO Dare Adults Only", which would definitely push this game's E for Everyone rating out the window.

During this match, I did something really cool. I had a lot of cards in my hand, but eventually, I managed to draw the Green Sleep card. The next turn, I drew a Wild Draw 4, and changed the color to green. I had a 9 card in my hand, and the right type of cards left to clean out my hand in one fell swoop. And I didn't mention this, but when you play the Green Sleep card, you don't just place it on top of the discard pile, and then need to play another green card on top of it. No, any number card can be picked from your hand. Not just green ones. Then, it just disappears from your hand. What did I tell you? These command cards are super busted.

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For winning, we get a cute wind-up toy of the Loch Ness Monster. Which is also a nice little reference to the fact that the famous "Surgeon's Photograph" was actually a photo of a toy. More specifically, a makeshift plastic boat with a clay molding in the vague shape of a Plesiosaur on it.

Felicia admits that McHaggis isn't very good at UNO. McHaggis then mentions that there's trouble brewing in the Australian outback. Madame Zero is headed there searching for a map of an ancient UNO artifact. He suggests we meet up with someone named "Amaryliss Dundee", but not before giving us our next command card.

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This is the Green Highland Two-Step. It's basically a hand swap card. But we can't use the card on ourselves, only the opponents. Given that we can't see the opponents' hands at all, it's a complete shot in the dark as to whether or not this will actually do something effective. Perhaps in the multipler mode, this has some more uses. But here in story mode, it's just eh. Oh, and obviously, this card isn't shuffled in during 1v1 matches.

Felicia thanks Marmaduke, and makes her way to the land down under (her words, not mine). Which we'll go to next time.

This mission was short but sweet. Didn't overstay its welcome too much, and had some admittedly fun characters to go along with it. Not much else to say except I liked it.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Tue May 21, 2024 3:10 am, edited 2 times in total.

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To start this mission, click "Outback Cabin"

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I've got a bad feeling about this already...

Nothing much happened here. He just tells Felicia to see someone named "the Dundettes".

Click "Dundette Camp" to continue

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This girl scout (or whatever the Australian equivalent is) tells Felicia that she has to make an appointment first. Another one challenges us to a game of UNO.

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Click "Outback Cabin" to continue.

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It looks like those girl scouts were actually called "Dundettes". So, are they her minions or her child slaves? Either way, super not good. Anyway, she challenges us to a game of UNO.

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Amaryliss reveals she knows that Felicia is from the agency, but Felicia says that's just between the two of them and "the wallaby". She then leads Felicia to the tropics to find someone named "Louie the Luchador". Him and his henchman are at an ancient temple trying to find ancient UNO artifacts. We're then given what Amaryliss assumes to be a map to the artifact, which she conveniently had on her this entire time.

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Because it's Australia, we need an excuse to see the Sydney Opera House. Amaryliss says there's an UNO tournament there. Fortunately, she's nice enough to hand over her invitation.

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Click "Opera House" to continue.

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Woah, that's a lot of characters. This match uses the scoring mechanic, that rule nobody ever uses (even the official UNO ruleset has since demoted this to a house rule). Basically, when someone wins a round, they'll get points based on the cards in the other players' hands. Number cards are worth their face value, Draw 2s, Reverses, Skips, and command cards are worth 20, and Wilds are worth 50. To play optimally, try getting rid of the higher value cards first, but only play Wilds when you need to. Having a Wild be the last card in your hand almost guarantees a round win come your turn. You need 300 points to win. Good luck!

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For winning, we get a trophy with a crocodile on it. The item description says "crikey", so excuse me while I make the obvious reference.

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Hey, if they aren't going to use the opportunity to reference Australia's greatest musical group, then I will.

Felicia calls it "another V". Which I guess was the equivalent of a "W" back then. I mean, they are one letter apart from each other. Anyway, we get our next command card.

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This is the Yellow Lucky Croc Tooth. When you play this card, you then play any number card (and like the Green Sleep, the number card then disappears from your hand). You're then protected from Draw 2s and Wild Draw 4s for that many turns. Situational, but otherwise very helpful.

And with that, Felicia heads off to the tropics. It's in Africa, by the way. Or possibly Mexico. It's hard to tell from the map. I'm leaning towards Mexico, given the villain for the next mission is a luchador.

This mission was super short. Probably to make up for the fact that the UNO tournament takes so long to finish (I wasn't keeping track, but it felt like 10 - 20 minutes, maybe even more). Yeah, there's a reason nobody uses scoring anymore. It pads out the game way too much and adds unnecessary fluff to what's supposed to be a fast-paced game. Even the mobile game changed how scoring is used, relegating its intended purpose to semi-regular PvP events, and otherwise using it as the main source of gaining or losing in-game currency (as in, your score dictates how many coins you win or lose after the match, depending on who won). Let's hope these scoring games don't become too common.

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Having last played UNO a couple decades ago, how do you decide the winner of a multi-round game if not for scoring? What other way is there?

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Carbon dioxide wrote:
Tue May 21, 2024 7:28 pm
Having last played UNO a couple decades ago, how do you decide the winner of a multi-round game if not for scoring? What other way is there?
Each round is just considered its own game. The winner is the person who manages to clear out their hand first. Though sometimes players will tally the number of wins just to flex. Like I said, UNO is meant to be a fast-paced game, so it's understandable that one game simply isn't enough for some people. However, to most, scoring is the wrong way to go about this. Not only does it add unnecessary math to what's essentially a very simple game, but UNO is pretty skill-based as well; scoring adds way too many variables outside the players' control to be considered fair. And like I said, the mechanic just feels like padding. Cleaning out your hand just feels like a more natural win condition and makes it much more accessible.

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To start this mission, click "Village".

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So, it turns out the husband booked a tropical tour for the family. This game is quite ahead of its time, as booking anything online wasn't as commonplace as it is today. The tour guide digs around for their papers, reminding Felicia of the ancient artifact. The tour guide says there is, but it's not part of the tour. Fortunately, Felicia didn't sign up for the tour. Remember, she came here because there's a mission here. She lets her family go off and do whatever, so they don't get in the way. Felicia then asks where she can get an archeologist's outfit. The tour guide recommends the gift shop, but she needs to trade for something. He continues by saying that he's awful at UNO, and hopes to learn something if he plays a match against her. That's not really a "trade", but we oblige.

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And with that, we get some red vouchers to buy a new outfit with.

Click "Village" again to continue.

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Heres' the outfit I picked. I'll assume this is required at some point, and wear it for the rest of this mission.

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Felicia says she's missing a helmet, and thinks she can find one at a nearby camp.

Click "Camp" to continue.

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This archeologist says they've been trying to dig through the same tunnel for days, saying it's taking awhile to get through. He challenges us to a game of UNO with someone called "The UNOnater", and they want to play with house rules. At first, Felicia declines, saying she misplaced her helmet. But the archeologist says she can borrow his if we win.

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If there were house rules in this match, I couldn't tell you.

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"U.U.U.U.N.O.W." stands for "Double U Double Uno Wrestling". So shouldn't that be "D.U.D.U.W." then? Anyway, we get the helmet, and it is automatically applied to our character.

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Click "Temple" to continue.

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Felicia says that she might need some gadgets to get inside, but not before another archeologist tells her to quit standing around, and get back to work. Felicia makes up an excuse, saying she's coming down with Malaria (because you get that after being bit by certain mosquitos. And we're in the jungle, so there's probably plenty of them). The archeologist thinks Malaria is contagious (it isn't), and tells her to get out.

Click the blimp to continue.

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It may be the same joke, but at least the punchline is different. Really hope they don't run this into the ground throughout the game. Anyway, Felicia tells U her situation, and U is delighted because he gets to blow something up.

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Click "Temple" to continue.

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Fire in the hole! All the archeologists run off, and Felicia blows up all the rubble. Then we see this guy.

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Since he looks like an obvious bad guy, Felicia challenges him to a game of UNO so he'll stop... whatever it was he was doing.

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Felicia reveals herself to Louie, and says his treasure hunting days are over. But not before he uses the Indiana Jones method of "take shit from a historical landmark without thinking", and runs off with the ancient artifact.

Click "Ring" to continue.

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One of the wrestlers tells Felicia to get a costume, and we get some yellow vouchers. I think you know where this is going.

Click "Village" to continue.

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This is the spandex. Buy it. You won't be able to continue otherwise.

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Isn't that phrase trademarked by WWE? Anyway, Felicia says she might have missed her calling in life. Because nothing says "covert" like bright pink spandex.

Click "Ring" to continue.

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So instead of "Chess Boxing", we're playing "UNO Wrestling", something conceptually similar.

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Louie also gives us the ancient artifact.

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Felicia returns to her family. Unfortunately, the husband accidentally drops the artifact, and it shatters. See? This is why you don't take stuff from ancient landmarks. Anyway, the artifact held our next command card.

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This is the Blue Toe Hold. Remember how I said there were cards that would be next to impossible to bring over to a physical version of UNO? This is one of them. When you play this card, you choose a player. Three cards in that player's hand then get locked at random, and they can't play those cards until their next turn. This could potentially softlock them into drawing a card if they have three or less cards in their hand. So this is pretty useful.

Another person (implied to be one of the wrestlers) passed by earlier, and gave the husband this:

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Looks like we're going on a cruise! See you guys then!

This mission was alright. Not much to say about it, really. If you noticed, the sprite of the ancient artifact had a card with a Yin Yang symbol on it. But when it broke, we got a completely different card. That's very strange. Perhaps that's a card we'll get later? Maybe it was intended to be unlocked at this point, but they changed it at the last minute? Either way, pretty jarring.

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Wouldn't it be jarring if the artifact was an old jar?

( :v: )

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To start this mission, click "Cabins".

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As to be expected, the room to Huston's cabin is locked.

Click "Poolside" to continue.

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Would you look at that. It's the two characters from the first mission. Felicia notices they left something behind.

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Click "Cabins" to continue.

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Unfortunately, a stewardess catches her, and Felicia makes a quick exit. Felicia decides to put on another disguise so she can get into Huston's room.

Click "Ballroom" to continue.

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These two are having an argument, and decide to settle it over, you guessed it, a game of UNO. Felicia asks to join in, and they oblige. Loser has to clean Huston's room. I think this means you can throw this next match, and still progress the story. I'm gonna try to win anyway just to see what happens. If anyone's willing to intentionally lose this one. Feel free to tell me what happens.

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Apparently, since we have seniority, we have to clean the room. The woman tells us that uniforms can be found in the boiler room, so we'll head there. We get some red vouchers, and can continue forward.

Click "Boiler" to continue.

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Of course it's maid outfits... Anyway, he suggests checking the lost and found, but not before a game of UNO first.

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Unfortunately, we won't be throwing an endless supply of knives at everyone, nor will we be stopping time. But we will be able to get into Huston's room, and see what's going on in there.

Click "Cabins" to continue.

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Dammit game. I made that reference as a joke. Now you're making it too obvious! Okay, so, now we know for sure that Huston is in cahoots with Madame Zero. Let's hope fate is on our side, and we can get her to tell us what this message means.

Click "Ballroom" to continue.

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Felicia gets right down to business, and accuses Huston of working with Madam Zero. Huston says it's none of her business, and releases a bunch of women on us in an ambush. It's UNO time!

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Our prize is a statue shaped like a golden anchor. The item description says it's not as heavy as it looks. But I bet it's still pretty heavy. Gold in general is pretty heavy, especially in large amounts.

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Just as about Huston was going to spill the beans, a pirate ship full of "Monkey Pirates" raids the cruise liner. You think I'm kidding? Here, I'll prove it.

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Yeah, this game's getting pretty silly. Felicia and Huston decide to put their differences aside, and defeat the monkeys in a game of UNO.

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I was kinda hoping this would be a 2v2 match. 2v2 matches are pretty fun. You can use Skips and Draw Cards in an attempt to shed each other's cards. It's especially fun in the mobile game, where there's this mode you can... Not important. What is important is that we beat these damn dirty apes, and get back the command cards they stole.

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Huston decides to give us a tip: deep in the heart of Transylvania, there's a madman. She was going to say more, but a monkey attacked Felicia trying to get a flock of her hair before she could finish. But at least we know our next destination: Transylvania. But not before Huston gives us our next command card.

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This is the Red Shooting Star card. When we play this card, we can then discard up to four cards that are of the same color (they don't have to be red). This is the closest thing in this game to a Discard Color card. This could be a pretty good card shedder under the right circumstances.

Alright, it seems like we've reached the halfway point! According to the Briefing Room, we have (at most) eight more missions to go through before we reach the end. This is probably a lot shorter if you go through it in one go. I'm just doing it one mission at a time for the sake of pacing. Not entirely the game's fault, mostly mine.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Sun May 26, 2024 3:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Wow, I'd forgotten half of this stuff that went on in this game.

Remind me why the stewards thought Felicia was one of them?

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To start this mission, click "Lab"

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Aaaaand that's it for this scene. Moving on.

Click "Carriage" to continue.

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The driver asks Felicia if she's the delivery woman, but she says "no". Felicia thinks finding the driver some food is a good idea.

Click "Forest" to continue.

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*sigh* More stereotypes. Do people from Transylvania even get offended when their country is represented with horror movie monsters? Not trying to be offended for them or anything, just want to make sure that this isn't, you know, actually offensive. Anyway, Frankenstein's monster and his bride also hear something, but the bride tells Frankenstein's monster that he's imagining thing. Frankenstein's monster complains that Frankenstein himself is completely nuts and spends way too much time in his lab. Hey, I spend like 85% of almost every day in my room staring at some type of screen, and I'm doing fine. Also, Frankenstein thinks he's a vampire. ...Okay. The two challenge a constable to a game of UNO off-screen, and they just so happen to drop some garlic bread (tasty!). Having overheard their conversation, Felicia decides to take some thinking Frankenstein's delusions might mean he'll react to garlic negatively. Because, you know, garlic is one of the many weaknesses of vampires. Right next to "getting stabbed with a piece of wood", "standing out in sunlight", "getting dowsed in water", and "getting punched really hard in the shin".

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Click "Carriage" to continue

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She challenges us to a game of UNO on the way to the castle.

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Click "Lab" to continue.

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I'm going to assume that was a Lord of the Rings reference. The guard says you can't be too sure of what's an angry mob nowadays (a line that certainly aged well), and tells Felicia she needs a warrant to enter the castle.

Click "Village" to continue.

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Felicia notices Svarti has a warrant in his hand. He reveals that he elected himself as the village constable, and wrote the warrant himself. Since it looks like he's not gonna use it, Felicia asks for it, betting with a game of UNO. Svarti obliges, stating that he can always write himself up another one.

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I screenshotted this because look at how lucky I got with this draw. That's some good RNG if I've ever seen it.

After brutally beating Svarti, he warns us that zombies are everywhere. We're hitting all the horror movie tropes today, aren't we? I'd say all we'd need is a kaiju to complete it, but that's mostly a Japan thing. Anyway, we receive the warrant.

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Click "Lab" to continue.

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The guard reveals it appears to be written in crayon, but other than that it seems official. So, he lets her in.

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Well, here's Count Von Dracula Frankenstien, I guess. He unleashes his creations on us. First up is Claire.

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Claire tells Felicia that her shoes are adorable, and we then get challenged to a game of UNO with two more teenage-looking creations.

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Click "Lab" again to continue.

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Looks like Dr. Frankenstein cloned himself. Felicia asks if she's seeing double. The two argue over who cloned who for a bit before we initiate our next UNO match.

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As expected, he cowers in fear at the threat. One of them tells us she's in Moscow. Before we leave, Claire gives us our next command card.

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This is the Blue Clone card. When we play this card, we can then pick another card from our hand, and turn it into another card that's also in our hand. As the description points out, this also includes command cards, meaning this could be quite destructive under the right circumstances.

I bet here's how they came up with the villain for this mission. "Hey, this one takes place in Transylvania. Should the bad guy be Dracula or Frankenstein?". "Yes." "Brilliant! Let's do that!" Otherwise, another okay mission.

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Drakenstein?

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Before we begin, I just wanna point out that the background music for this area sound a lot like "Korobeiniki", AKA "the Tetris song". Just thought that was interesting.

Anyway, click "Nightclub".

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This bouncer won't let us in, so Felicia wonders if there's some way to get her name on the list.

Click "Statue" to continue.

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Angeles is back, and reveals that Huston gave all her henchwoman the choice of leaving, or staying with Madame Zero. Angeles chose to leave, and is on vacation here, wanting to travel more. Felicia asks to get on the VIP list. She says she told her co-workers about her, but they don't believe her. They challenge us to a game of UNO for a spot on the list.

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Click "Nightclub" to continue.

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What is it with people being pushy about clothing in this game?

Click "Ice Rink" to continue.

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So, I guess these guys are fashion designers. Neat.

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The dress is automatically applied to our character.

Click "Nightclub" to continue.

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But right before we can enter, Felicia's husband and Katie show up to reveal that the husband locked the keys in the rental car. So, it looks like this mission's padded out slightly. Also, the husband makes a fourth wall joke.

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Two options are available: "Offices" and "Ice Rink". "Offices" sounds useful, so let's go there.

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Okay, that sounds useful. Now let's see what happens when we click "Ice Rink".

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Ah yes, the classic "pick a lock with a wire hanger" technique. The totally foolproof plan to hijack any car.

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Click "Statue" to continue.

Felicia manages to unlock the car. Hooray.

Click "Nightclub" to continue.

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Looks like there's some familiar faces tonight.

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Our prize is a nesting doll shaped like a bear. I wonder what's inside, and what's inside that, and what's inside that, and what's inside that.

Unfortunately, Madame Zero gets away again. But not before dropping our next command card.

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This is the Wild Redecorate card. When we play this card, we choose a color. After that, all of the non-Wilds in our hand turn into that color. Boy, it's a good thing there aren't and Discard Color cards in this game, otherwise this would pretty much be an instant win card.

We go to the Himalayas, where Felicia is accused of stealing "the UNO enlightenment". So she has to prove her innocence, which we will do next time.

Well, what to do you know? This game is starting to dial it down on the stereotypes. Let's hope it stays that way. This chapter was alright, though I could tell the "I left the keys in the car" thing was an excuse to pad out the mission. Because all things considered, this was pretty short.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Tue Jun 04, 2024 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Three options are available from the start: "Camp". "Glacier", and "Courtyard". Going left to right, we'll click "Camp" first.

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The husband asks if they had his nose too, and the hiker says yes before comedically stammering. So now we have a testimony saying it wasn't Felicia.

Next, we'll click "Glacier"

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And now we have actual evidence.

Finally, click "Courtyard".

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That was a trick question. As we all know, there is no February 30th. The husband makes the obvious observation that something strange is going on.

Click "Temple" to continue.

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We show him all the evidence, and the guy says that, while we were looking, he found another piece of information: a woman took a non-stop charter flight to France the night before. Of course, that still doesn't prove Felicia guilty, since we were in France long before that. So, Felicia is free. Felicia tells the husband to watch the kids while she "notifies the authorities". And now it's business as usual. Felicia then heads to France.

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My thoughts exactly. Felicia hypothesizes that she was made from the hair that monkey tore off of her on the cruise ship. Because dead hair cells totally contain enough DNA to make a perfect clone of a human. Anyway, we re-enact the final boss of Violet Detector, and challenge her to a game of UNO.

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Wow. This really is like Yu-Gi-Oh!. Losing can result in death! Felicia has another hypothesis: Dr. Frankenstein is behind this. Also, the clone dropped our next command card.

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This is the Blue Tsunami card. When we play this card, we play any number card (like usual, it doesn't have to be blue), then we pick an opponent, and they must draw that many cards. Yet another destructive card, and very evil.

But we're not done yet. Felicia heads back to the Himalayas to talk to one of the monks. Click "Temple" to continue.

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So it looks like by defeating the clone, we've returned the UNO enlightenment... Somehow. But then the monk reveals.

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How cheesy. Anyway...

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Huh. We actually get a piece of clothing this time. That's interesting. Not gonna wear this, but it looks neat.

The monk asks Felicia if she could train with everyone in the courtyard. She obliges.

Click "Courtyard" to continue.

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Oh hey, look. It's Dr. Horatio Gauche again. That's neat.

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I'm going to assume that's a reference, and move on.

U arrives, and tells Felicia there's an urgent call from Tokyo. Something about a man dressed as a dinosaur, but the citizens are only mildly annoyed. He suspects Madame Zero (as always), and also sends Agent UNO with us as well.

Well. That was certainly something. The evil clone thing came out of nowhere, but otherwise, short but sweet. Excited for the next chapter. I'm a bit of a weeb myself, and I can't wait to see what they do with the setting. Though, given the "man dressed as a dinosaur" part, I think I already know where the plot is headed. But hey, maybe we'll see some youkai fighting each other with colored lights, or some cute animals people keep in red and white balls. Maybe a long-haired blonde woman in a tiara, or perhaps a brigade of high school students ran by a quirky brunette. Maybe we'll see a concert starring a blue-haired idol singer shown with projections, or we could get really bizarre, and see some buff men that appear to be hitting each other despite neither of them throwing any punches (as far as we know, anyway). Of course, I can always settle for some schoolgirls with brightly colored hair just shooting the breeze. If we're lucky, that is.

Okay, I'll stop.

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Alright, you guys ready to weeb out? Because it's finally time. The Japan mission.

To start this mission, click "Mt. Fuji".

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Unfortunately, Agent UNO isn't picking up. Yeah, real smart to assume you'd get cell service on Mount Fuji of all places. Anyway, Felicia assumes it to be Louie, because, well...

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Fortunately, Felicia thinks she can easily find Louie, and makes her way down Mt. Fuji. By the way, climbing and going down Mt. Fuji takes several hours each, even on the tourist-focused Yoshida Trail. (I did research on Mt. Fuji tourism for a personal writing project not too long ago, in case you were wondering).

Click "Arena" to continue.

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And, right on cue, Louie just so happens to be here and causing mischief because of course he is. We get some blue vouchers, and continue on.

Click "Market" to continue. I'm assuming it's Akihabara, by the way.

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Our selection is of kimonos. Which I approve of. I bought the blue one with cherry blossoms on it. Which definitely looks like something Yuyuko Saigyouji would wear. In fact, it is (Come on. Had to shoehorn a reference to something Japanese in here somewhere).

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...Babe, it's a robe. You just put it on and tie the obi around your waist.

Click "Arena" again to continue.

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Alright, looks like we have a match against Louie and some more women in kimonos. Gambatte kudasai! During the match, Louie said he was having a good day until a ditzy gaijin and his two kids asked for directions to the nearest arcade. Gee, I wonder who those could be.

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Our prize is sushi. Of course it is. Felicia goes off to find her family. She finds her family, and the husband reveals he got lost, and just so happened to run into Felicia. On the way, he found our next command card.

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This is the Wild Double Cross card. When we play this card, we pick a color. After that, we choose two cards in our hand that then get converted into that color. Basically, the Wild Redecorate card, but considerably less destructive.

Katie hears an announcement over the radio. That Madame Zero is building a team plotting to take over the world. Felicia decides to leave for Morocco, which we will go to next time.

Well... That was underwhelming. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up too high when I saw the word "Tokyo" come up. This mission wasn't bad or anything, just inoffensive. I mean, from the whole "dressed as a dinosaur" thing, I was expecting a kaiju subplot. But that never happened. Oh well.

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To start this mission, click "Hotel".

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Agent UNO decides to act like an unreasonable Discord moderator. Or any modern-day PR team. Felicia tells him that he's always been a jerk, but he's taking the act a bit too far. Apparently, the judicial system in this universe is decided by games of UNO. Hey, I've heard worse ways to solve arguments in fiction. Just look at the stuff I've referenced so far.

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We get handed a petition, and need to go around getting people to sign it. And unlike everything on Change.org, this petition actually has a chance of affecting something.

We travel around the world and get brief cameos from some familiar faces who are willing to sign the petition.

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And with that, Felicia heads back to Morocco.

Click "Hotel" to continue.

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Alright, it's UNO time again! I think we're nearing the end here. Felicia yells at Agent UNO (in all caps no less) that he's gone absolutely mad.

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There's a few nations that already haven't agreed to Madame Zero's plan, but will if she wins the UNO World Tournament. U gives us our next command card.

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Hoo-oh boy is this one a doozy. This is the Yellow Switcheroo card. When we play this card, we choose two players, and, get this, they switch seats. No, their hands don't get swapped. They physically get up, and the entire turn order changes. What a fitting card to end this on. Also, this is the card the sprite of the ancient artifact was holding all the way back in Mexico. Go figure.

And now, our last stop. Atlantis. Yep. Felicia reveals she's getting nervous. The husband tries to tell her what he does when he's nervous, but Felicia reveals that he locks himself in the bathroom and cries. Gotta have at least one funny moment before the serious stuff.

Before we begin, let me do something real quick...

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Alright, let's do this. Click "Tournament".

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Good luck. Let's finish this off in style!

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Madame Zero appears and attempts to mind game Felicia. She threatens that if Felicia doesn't resign and swear allegiance to her, she'll spill the beans to her family that she's an agent. She even doubles down, and says that Felicia can always join her when her family decides to disown her.

Click "Tournament" once more.

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But just then...

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Katie proudly says that she's not going to let her blackmail Felicia. Because... Plot twist! They already knew her secret. Remember that way back at the start of the game, it was established that her family was already aware that she was a secret agent once, but she retired. So it makes sense that they'd come to that conclusion at some point. Katie states she picked up on it back in Moscow. Junior meanwhile did so in Scotland. But they didn't bring it up until now for her safety, The husband however... yeah, the kids had to spell it out for him. Just a few minutes ago. But, the important part is that they're supportive of her decision. Because they'll always support each other no matter what.

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Click "Tournament" one final time.

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Felicia says that was easy. Felicia says it's on with the show, and flies back to Morroco.

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Felicia tells the husband to put them down. He doesn't know where they've been.

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Felicia hears a pounding noise, and heads off.

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Uh-oh! Louie is back! With an army of monkeys! The husband surrenders, and Katie calls him a coward. Louie says Madame Zero has a surprise waiting for Felicia. That doesn't sound good... Back to Atlantis!

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Madame Zero tells Felicia to head to the elevator, and meet her at the bottom of the sea inside the Chamber of Doom, It's there that we'll have our final UNO match, and take down Madame Zero once and for all.

Only one more mission to go! We've reached an exciting climax, haven't we? I'll see you all again very soon for the finale!

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