James Bond Meets a Children's Tabletop Game. Let's Play UNO Undercover

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Hello! I'm Pgj1997, and welcome to a new let's play.

Originally, I was going to do something pretty ambitious for a text-based let's play, but long story short, the game I intended on playing is best played with a controller, and the joystick on my wired Xbox Series X|S controller decided to break on me.

So, while I wait to get a new one, I decided to instead do a let's play on an obscure PC game from the 2000s I discovered recently. It seemed really interesting, and something I definitely wanted to try out.

This is "UNO Undercover". A licensed PC game by a company called "Golden Goose Productions". A company that, from what I could find, made no other games aside from this and a game called "Fate: Undiscovered Realms" (no, not that Fate, as admittedly more interesting as that sounds).

On the surface, this game just looks like a run-of-the-mill video game adaptation of UNO, just with a kind of "girl power" theme going for it. But it's actually so much more than that, fittingly, under the cover.

The game itself is hiding a very interesting and ambitious concept. Firstly, this game has a story mode. Hold on, it gets better. The reason this game is called "UNO Undercover" is because it's spy-themed. We play as a spy named "Felicia Blue", and help her track down other spies on covert espionage missions, all while solving problems with games of UNO likes it's Yu-Gi-Oh! or something. That sounds extremely campy and ridiculous, and I'm all here for it!

On top of that, the game has its own set of new cards, and rules to go with them. All of which take full advantage of this being a digital game, and would be next to impossible to bring over to a physical edition of UNO. And in case you're wondering, yes, the new cards in this game were recently accounted for in Massacre Mansion's "UNO Amalgam'' project, but even he had to admit that creative liberties needed to be taken just to get the cards included.

The game was released as shareware, which means you're free to download it from your favorite game preservation website of choice. However, I did come across pictures of the game's box art (which is what I used for the header. Sorry it's so big. Apparently this forum's fork of bbcode doesn't allow scaling). and listings of new old stock on Amazon, so it looks like the game got a physical release as well. The game was published by RealArcade, so there's a good chance it was also installed on your family's old desktop computer through that flashy game launcher it came bundled with as a form of bloatware.

I probably don't need to explain what the rules of UNO are. The game's been memed to death in recent years, and there's more people who know the intricacies of the game thanks to the Ubisoft version that "came free with your fucking Xbox". The important part is that this game uses the rules of base UNO, circa 2008. So no Discard Color cards, and no wacky house rule shenanigans with the Blank Wild card.

So, let's start this absurd game of bootleg Crazy Eights, and Reverse Card right into UNO Undercover!
Last edited by pgj1997 on Tue May 14, 2024 11:43 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Starting up for the first time, the game is asking us to name our profile, so give me a sec as I come up with a fitting and clever name for us all.

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Yeah! Now that's what I'm talking about!

Now, let's click "Adventure Game", and start

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We start out journey with what appears to be a mother and her two kids as they travel on a road trip. Let's assume that red rectangle at the bottom is supposed to be a convertible, and not question the artistic decisions going on in this very first scene.

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Ah the early 2000s. Back when smartphones weren't invented yet, and we didn't have unlimited data to keep the kids entertained on long car trips. Good times.

The mother asks her husband if they could drop in on her cousin "Houston Starlet" at her mansion. Meanwhile. the kids try to entertain themselves by singing a rendition off "99 Bottles (of Beer on the Wall)" renamed with the game's sponsor.

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Boy, it's a good thing the script writers included that "Registered Trademark" symbol every time someone says the word "UNO". Otherwise, who knows how much legal trouble this game could have been in!

Understandably, the parents get annoyed by this pretty quickly, and do not want to hear the whole song in its entirety. And who can blame them? It's "12 Days of Christmas" except it goes on for an eternity, and drives you insane.

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"You be quiet, Junior! That is no way to talk to your sister!" No seriously. His name is "Junior". The most generic name for a child character ever.

Anyway, the father suggests the mother play a game of UNO with the kids to keep them entertained. Ignoring the impracticality of playing a card game in a car of all things (unless it's UNO Car-Go or something), she obliges, and we start our first game.

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Funny joke, but I bet this was the writers trying to vent their frustrations about writing this absurdist story. Also, I wonder how high she ranks on the smartphone app.

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Here's the game's interface. The dialogue went by too fast for me to show you this, but from what I saw, Junior saw that I had an Blue 8 in my hand, and Katie calls him out for cheating. Yes, game, your attempt at writing mischievous child characters is very funny, but please don't let the entire game be like this.

Anyway, this is the tutorial, so the deck is stacked in your favor to win this one. Or you can just click that big "SKIP" button on the top right there if you're someone with a brain.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Tue May 14, 2024 1:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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We arrive in California. The setting of too many pieces of American media to count. Remember everybody: California is the only state that exists. There aren't any others. Ohio? What's that?

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Here's our menu interface. going clockwise on all the buttons starting from the top-left, MENU is well, the pause menu. Nothing else to say there. That bag is the dressing room where we can change Felicia's outfit, which I'm assuming changes her portraits in the dialogue. We only have one outfit available at the moment, but assume we'll be unlocking more throughout this game. The third button is Felicia's private blimp. Because of course she has a private blimp. Click on the different rooms or the buttons at the bottom to check your progress throughout the game. Click the down arrow or the hatch on the right-hand side to return back to where you were. The fourth button is a shortcut to the blimp's briefing room. Now, the buttons at the bottom are locations we can go to. Fortunately, the magnifying glass spells out where we need to go, so click on "Mansion", and we'll head that way.

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This woman is blocking our path. She says Huston is at the salon at the moment, and essentially tells us to make like a plane in the Bermuda Triangle, and get lost. The kids want to go to the beach, and Felicia obliges.

Click "Beach", and continue.

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Boy, you can tell how out of touch the writers were. This game came out in 2008. Nobody said "cowabunga" unironically by that point.

Someone reading a newspaper gives the husband a coupon that's "Good for any clearance item at your local shop". Boy, whatever non-specific shop this is for must really want to get rid of their old stock if they need to make a coupon that gives a discount for the clearance section of all things.

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It looks like Felicia has noticed that there isn't an expiration date on the coupon. That totally doesn't sound sus at all.

Click "Shoppe" (the writers wanted to be fancy, I guess), and continue.

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We're greeted by this guy running a boutique. He makes a very non-subtle fourth wall joke by telling us we can try on outfits with the mouse. And Felicia makes a funny comment on how a clothing store doesn't have a changing room.

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We only have a voucher for one of these items. For now, I'll pick the red swimsuit, I guess? It looks like something Pauline from the Mario series would wear to a beach level. Felicia hits the beach, and we get a progress point. Yay.

Click "Beach" again to continue.

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And now we officially begin our first real game of UNO. I know it's probably because I'm screenshotting everything, but it feels like this took forever.

Not much to say except that Katie, like a dumbass, forgot to call out UNO when she had one card left, so I got to call her out on it. Four times. I love being merciless and unsportsmanlike on my children in this card game intended for small children!

So apparently that guy we just faced is a movie star named "Jorge Cleanie" (ugh...). He came here to do research for his role in the movie "The Man in Van Down By the Beach", a name that is unrealistically way too long for anyone to remember, and that bothers me. He also owns a casino. Reminder that UNO branded slot machines are a thing.

Click "Mansion" to continue.

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This bitch tells us that people in California always quote "try to dress UP for the vacation". First off, how dare you! Everyone should dress the way they want to as long as they like wearing it. Second, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard someone from Cali ever say. As someone who's from a coastal state, you DON'T want to wear heavy clothing during the summer. Just sayin'. Presumably to blow off steam, Felicia goes shopping again.

Click "Shoppe" to continue.

We don't have the right voucher to buy a dress, so Felicia decides to ask Cleanie for one.

Click "Casino" to continue.

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Oh. That was easy, Gee, there sure is a lack of UNO in this game with "UNO" in the title. Hope this doesn't become a recurring issue.

Click "Shoppe" to continue.

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Don't explain the joke... And either way, the joke doesn't work anyway because both words are homophones. If this game had proper voice acting, this would fall flat on its face. Yes, I am trying to find things to nitpick here. If you couldn't tell, nothing has happened.

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The right choice should be blatantly obvious.

Click "Mansion" to continue.

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We meet up with Huston, who tells us she's about to win her tenth game of UNO in a row. Something tells me she paid the dealer to stack the deck in her favor. Take a wild guess where this goes. No pun intended.

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And we won our first trophy! Huston accuses us of ruining her party. Also, it's here we get our first mention of the "UNO World Tournament". Something that will probably be important later. I'm not sure, but I think it sounds important.

Anyway...

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Well someone's got their tits in a knot.

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We've unlocked our first command card! This is one of the new mechanics added to the game. This one is the Yellow Reverse Skip. As the name implies, it reverses the turn order, then the next player is skipped. It may not sound like much right now, but trust me, these cards get pretty busted later in the game.

Okay, so far, we're at a slow but otherwise very riffable start. It's very easy to poke fun at writing that's as simplistic at this. Cross your fingers that the game picks up later.

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Oh, I loved this game as a kid. And I was just thinking about it!

Excited to reminisce with this.

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Fortunately, in this game, you can very easily pick right up where you left off. You don't even need to try and remember what you were doing, since the magnifying glass tells you where you need to go next. I know I made a joke condemning this earlier, but that's because I initially thought it was only there because "babby gaim". Turns out this mechanic actually does serve a handy purpose. Go figure! I've known about the natural problem of players forgetting what they were doing last time they played. I've been guilty of that myself a few times. Some games have hint systems to try and remedy this, but you often have to go out of your way for this, and it essentially punishes you for something completely understandable. This game is nice enough to go "Hey, in case you forgot, here's where you need to go next." The only other thing I can think of that even does something like this is the later Pokémon games, which you're already meant to play in short bursts. Never thought UNO of all things would introduce such an innovative mechanic, but here we are!

Anyway, to start this mission, click "Casino".

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This bouncer tells us that the casino is on lockdown due to a security breach. I bet a lot of money was stolen from the establishment, which is really ironic if you think about it. He asks Felicia if she has any command cards, but she responds saying "I used to, but I gave them up when I quit the Agency". The plot thickens. I guess this was implied earlier, but it turns out Felicia is a retired spy. Gee, I wonder if this will go anywhere. More specifically, she was a special ops agent for "The UNO Rules Enforcement Agency". Given the name, it sounds like people who'd burst into people homes all FBI style if they caught someone trying to cheat in a game of UNO, as if that's something that needs to be lawfully enforced. Given the premise so far, maybe UNO actually does need rule enforcing in this universe, but it's still really funny to imagine. Fortunately, some of Felicia's old colleagues are inside, and are investigating the crime scene.

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No, guess I was wrong. Someone smelling of bananas broke in and stole the casino's reserve of command cards. I'm guessing UNO is also a poker-like game in this universe as well. I mean, makes sense. I remember coming across an UNO rulebook as a kid mentioning a casino-style ruleset for UNO, and that smartphone game I brought up earlier has you bet set amounts of your typical freemium in-game currency to give you incentive to keep playing. The point is, I can very easily see UNO being used for gambling, so I can run with it.

The bouncer says they suspect the culprits are trying to turn UNO into a monopoly, which would be a funny reference if UNO and Monopoly weren't owned by two completely separate companies. Or maybe that was supposed to be the joke. Who's to say, really? The bouncer asks Felicia to come back later when they're done gathering evidence, thinking she'd be of help. Felicia decides to go to the beach to kill some time.

Click "Beach" to continue.

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Micheal Clayton here is back, and is asking for vouchers, pretending to be someone named "Gamblin' Gary". Felicia, being a former spy, sees right through his ruse, and doesn't want to deal with this bullshit. She tells him that he'd just blow them all anyway. "Gary" gets defensive, saying that he was a successful sea captain before he was a beach bum, which I'm assuming is a reference to a George Clooney movie? I don't consider myself a movie buff, but that sounds more like a reference to "Castaway", which was a Tom Hanks role, not George Clooney. But maybe I'm wrong, and this is referencing something else.

"Gary" then reveals that a woman tricked him, and won a game of UNO with a card he'd never seen before. Felicia says that she's heard this story before, and assumes this to be the work of "Madame Zero". Okay, side tangent here. There's a house rule that I discovered in that smartphone game where playing "0" cards causes everyone to pass thier hand to the next players in the respective turn order. Given her name, wouldn't it be cool if her command card did something like that? As a little nod to this rule? I think so. Anyway, we start a game of UNO with "Gary".

This is our first 1v1 match. Most people already know this, but in 1v1 games, Skips and Reverses have the same effect. So, if you have the right colored cards, you can shed off a good number of cards by chaining them strategically. It's a sure-fire way to salt your opponent, and really satisfying to pull off. Remember that Draw 2s and Wild Draw 4s also cause a turn skip, and the infamous stacking house rule isn't a thing in this game (maybe someone could mod it in. Doubt anyone's going to, but it would be nice), so you can use those with this strategy too.

During the match, "Gary" tells us that the command card Madame Zero used had "Zs" on it instead of numbers. If you ask me, that sounds like a special Wild Card. A lot of themed versions of UNO lazily put new gimmicks on one or two Wild Cards for the sake of adding a new rule, but most of the time, all they do is disrupt the pacing. "Gary" says he found himself asleep, and woke up face first in a bowl of oatmeal.

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Click "Casino" to continue.

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This fine-looking gentleman has found a badge on the floor, assuming Felicia dropped it. But...

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The good news is we have a new character and aquaintence. The bad news is that this game beat me to it on making a clever name centered around the word "uno". Oh well.

Agent UNO is suspicious of the culprits, stating that villains don't just retire and start families. But now, crime rate has increased. A laughing soundbyte played during that bit of dialouge, which sounded like his attempt at a James Bond-esque witty remark. He challenges us to a friendly game of UNO for old times sake, and we oblige.

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Okay, the reason I screenshotted this is because the rest of the players are named after Spanish numbers, and that means one of them is named "Agent Dos". This aged really well, and is funny because UNO actually got a sequel game a few years ago, fittingly called "DOS" (which has a cult fanbase, but hasn't really managed to catch on as much as far as I know). Also, if you noticed, Agent Tres isn't here. Felicia brings it up, and at first it's implied that he died, or unfortunately got shot during a mission. I got taken aback for a minute, thinking the game was actually going to pull a move like that. But Agent UNO reassures that he's fine, and Agent Tres actually got promoted to the Solitaire division. Good for him. This is a joke that also aged well, since there's a version of UNO called "UNO Wild Twists". It's just a standard 52-deck of playing cards, but there's also eight additional cards to justify the UNO branding. One's a Wild card acting as the Joker, two are color-specific Wilds (one red, one black), and four are Wilds for each of the suits. So, if you remove these extra cards, you can actually play Solitaire with the deck. Wow, this game sure is doing a lot of unintentional foreshadowing of what UNO would later become in a few years.

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Agent UNO asks Felicia if she'll ever return to the agency. She says she'll consider it, but needs to talk it over with her family first. Agent UNO reminds Felicia that she needs to keep that a secret. Given that the world is at stake here, Felicia decides that keeping this knowledge from her family is worth it, and makes a grand return to her position as a secret agent.

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I like the design of this badge. The gem in the center has the general shape of a Draw 2, but it's enclosed in a circle surrounded by other gems representing each card color, just like a Wild. I appreciate the little details.

Agent UNO tells Felicia to meet up with a new recruit on her way to HQ, and leaves. But not before making a witty pun.

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Click "Beach" to continue.

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Plot twist! "Gary" is the new recruit. He tells Felicia that "An elderly woman with a head full of stars" has a package for her. As per the spy trope, he gives a super specific question she has to ask in order to prove her identity.

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Felicia welcomes "Gary" to the agency, and takes off.

Click "Casino" to continue.

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Immediately afterwards, we're thrown in to another game of UNO. I guess "Gary" was mistaken or something? Or perhaps this is just an innocent bystander, since she claims to know nothing of the sort. The other players mention that the sky will be full of constellations tonight, and the old lady tells Felicia to "look up at the sky and just imagine". A phrase that totally doesn't sound cryptic at all. Felicia notices something glowing inside the woman's purse, but predictably, she dodges any further questioning.

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Without having being told her name, the woman seems to already know Felicia, and welcomes her back to the agency. The woman gives her a homing beacon so HQ can find Felicia, and pick her up in the blimp. ...Even though we already had access to the blimp before hand. Maybe it's a different blimp? Like, does everyone in the agency get a free blimp? Or maybe the writers didn't care. Let's go with that.

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Felicia brings up the fact that blimps are impractical, and questions why the agency doesn't use something smaller. Preferably something that doesn't have a stigma named "Hindenburg" attached to it. After that, we receive...

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...And carry on.

Click "Shoppe" to continue.

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I'll pick the white trench coat, since it's what Felicia is seen wearing on the box art, and in the game's icon. I will wear this from here on out unless I'm required to do otherwise.

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Click "Mansion" to continue.

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Felicia tells her family that she's going to compete in the International UNO League, but wants their approval first. Fortunately, she reassures the family that they get to travel with her, so they oblige. Felicia tells them she needs to fill out "paperwork", and heads off.

A blimp materializes out of thin air. Actually, not really. The blimp has a cloaking device built into it, which solves the whole "impractical" thing she was complaining about earlier. Also, she makes a Star Trek reference.

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Right on cue, this guy shows up. Turns out he's the one that people ask to "be beamed up", per se. This is Agent U, who invents and provides the gadgetry for the agency. I'm going to interpret him as a representation for the UNO versions where the gimmick is some sort of plastic device (like UNO Attack, UNO Tippo, or UNO Wild Jackpot), since I think that sounds cool. He gives us a welcome back present: a new command card.

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This is the Red Reverse Draw 2. When played, the turn order is reversed, and the next player afterward has to draw two cards. Essentially the same as the Reverse Skip, but with some extra punch. Also, if you're wondering how command cards work, they appear to be shuffled in the deck once we unlock them, but I don't think the AI can ever draw them. Only we can. But I'm willing to bet this isn't the case in the multiplayer mode.

It turns out that Star Trek reference was very literal, as Agent U reveals the blimp has a tractor beam, which pulls Felicia aboard.

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Felicia makes yet another pun around a homophone. Though thankfully this one works a lot better. Actually, Agent U was responsible for that one. The joke was obvious, so of course he'd go for it.

Madame Zero is revealed to be Felicia's old nemesis, and has escaped from prison. Agent U sets up a rendezvous point in Paris, and Felicia heads off to put a stop to Madame Zero's tournament. U told her that "an enemy of an enemy" is also in Paris, and has info on her. Thus, leading into the next mission, which we will continue next time.

Okay, things are starting to get interesting. We've got some world building in the form of The UNO Rules Enforcement Agency, and it even has some nice little nods to the card game itself thrown in there for good measure. Which I like. Interested to see where they take this concept.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Thu May 16, 2024 1:25 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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To start this mission, click "Back Alley".

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We start off by meeting an offensive stereotype that probably would not go over well if this were released in the modern day. This baguette carrying guy says that there's someone in Morocco who has contacted a traveler's alignment. Whatever that means. He gives Felicia the guy's invitation in order to convince him of... Something. Hang on. I'm gonna look up what a "traveler's alignment" is, because we're not even a minute into this mission, and I'm already confused.

...Okay, I just looked it up, and all I found were times the term was used in other fictional works. So your guess is as good as mine as to what's going on.

Alright, here's something. Turns out this guy is actually an agent in disguise. That's not much better, but at least it's a decent explanation for the racist stereotyping. He has a plan to shut Madame Zero down, but first, we need to brief everyone to a precise location in Morocco. We obtain a red voucher, and the agent tells us to go to the boutique, as he ordered something special for Felicia before she got here.

Click "Boutique" to continue.

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The item in question appears to be a Polaroid camera, and is the only thing we can by at the moment.

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I bet this is actually one of U's gadgets. Given the name. Anyway, Felicia heads straight for Morocco.

Click "Hotel" to continue.

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We meet a tourist who's fallen ill. So Felicia asks if she could take his invitation off his hands. He obliges, but not before a game of UNO to test if we're worthy enough.

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We obtain the invitation. Here's what it looks like:

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The tourist says Felicia is going to have to do a better job impersonating him, so he gives us yellow and blue vouchers to buy something with.

Click "Market" to continue.

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In case you're wondering, the hat doesn't quite look like the one on the box art, so I'm not going to wear it all the time. I will buy these two items, and wear it for the time being, since this is required to continue on.

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Either this is the game's Adobe Flash framework bugging out on my modern PC, or the developers forgot to properly layer Felicia's eyes under the glasses.

Click "Café" (which is spelled wrong in-game, by the way) to continue.

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Felicia tells the guy to say "Cheese", and apparently that Polaroid was embedded with Hermit Purple, since we got a surveillance photo instead.

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And with that, Felicia flies back to Paris.

Click "Back Alley" to continue.

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We meet up again with the undercover agent. Felicia says now it's time to head back to Morocco, and put a stop to all of this. Coming back here was completely pointless. Thank you for your time.

Click "Café" to continue. Make sure you're wearing the tourist's outfit. Otherwise, the guard will notice your funny business, and you won't continue (but fortunately Felica manages to vanish before anything happens).

And with that, we start a game of UNO with Madame Zero, and her henchwomen.

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Or prize for winning is a genie lamp. But according to the item description, it's not a real one. It's neat, though.

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While being carried off to prison, she dropped our next command card.

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This is the Green Skip Draw 2. If you couldn't tell from the name, and the other cards before this one, this card skips the next player's turn, and then the player after that has to draw two cards, effectively making this a double Skip card. See? I told you these cards would get more busted as we went along. I wonder how this works in 1v1 matches. Does it skip the player's turn and then you have to draw two cards for the sake of balance, or does it just make the opponent draw two since their turn gets skipped over anyway? If this comes up, I'll let you know.

Oh, and it looks like I was wrong about Madame Zero's name being a reference to the "0" house rule. That's a shame. A missed opportunity, if you ask me.

Felicia heads back to Paris, stating she loves this job. Seems like the thrill is coming back to her.

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We meet up with Agent UNO, who was sent to remind her to spy on her cousin (presumably Huston), as they have reason to believe that she was in cahoots with Madame Zero. Currently, she's at "Le Club D'Eiffel". Wouldn't be a plot set in Paris if the Eiffel Tower wasn't involved in some way. He gives us a green voucher for us to use next time.

Well, that was pretty fun. The match against Madame Zero actually took quite a while, and I actually lost to one of her henchwomen the first time (don't worry, there's no real punishment for losing. You can just try again). I don't understand why we needed to be dropped off in Paris when most of this mission took place in Morrocco. To me, it just seemed jarring and unnecessary. Minor complaint, but just a bit of fluff that could've easily been taken out.

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To start this next mission, click "Eiffel Tower".

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Felicia says she might need a wig, and some shoes. Which is going overboard, if you ask me.

Click "Boutique" to continue

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It looks like we don't have any vouchers. Oh, um... That's a problem. Did... Did I just softlock? HOW? Alright, gimme a sec here.

Alright, here's what I did. In the game's "AppData" folder (located in "Roaming/UNOUndercover"), I went to "Profiles/0". In this folder is a file named "items.xml". At the bottom of this file is the values for vouchers. I gave myself one of each of what we needed, and saved it.

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There we go. Yes, this is cheating, but how else was I supposed to progress? Anyway, I picked the one on the right.

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Felicia says she still needs to something about her hair, even though I bought a wig. Was I not supposed to be able to buy a complete set? Whatever. I don't care.

Click "Back Alley" to continue

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This guy rudely tells Felicia her hair isn't chic. But fortunately, he's a wig salesman. He challenges us to a game of UNO for one.

During this match, I discovered what the Green Skip Draw 2 does in 1v1 matches. It essentially just turns into a Draw 2. Mystery solved!

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Isn't all disco just considered pop music now? Anyway, now we have another wig. Yay. The wig is immediately put on, and Felicia understandably cringes at it. Now she needs to find matching shoes. The guy says that a shoemaker works at the café, however that works.

Click "Café" to continue

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Oh goody. We have two French stereotypes in this game. First we had a man with a tiny mustache carrying baguettes speaking with a heavy accent, and now we have the French asshole. Really hope this game dials it down a bit. Things will get pretty uncomfortable otherwise. He says the shoes are an insult to her beautiful face. Was that an insult or a compliment? I couldn't tell. He challenges us to a game of UNO for a pair, which I will gladly wipe the floor with him in. Connard.

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Oh god, he's also named after the Looney Tunes character that had to be shelved for the exact same reason. Of course he is. It gets worse. During the match, he mentions that he's single, and starts hitting on the other players. You know, Pepé Le Pew's entire character. Zut alors... Please let this be over soon.

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Please stop it game. You're making it worse.

Thinking no one will recognize her now, Felicia heads to the Eiffel Tower, ready to party.

Click "Eiffel Tower" to continue.

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Turns out this party is for couples only, and Felicia walks away in a huff. She decides to hang around the streets for someone to... take with her... on a... date... ...Oh no. Is this going where I think it's going?

Click "Eiffel Tower" to continue.

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Time passes long enough for a total of four periods to form an ellipsis in her dialogue box before she gets impatient.

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Then this woman shows up.

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And then this guy.

The woman complains that her heels always break, and Felicia decides to give U a call, having an idea.

Go to the blimp to continue.

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Felicia asks Agent U to make a pair of heels that are rigged to break. He asks if she wants them to explode, and goes into detail on the specifics on what she wants. He was about to go into a whole spiel about laughing gas before Felicia interrupted him. Anyway, he obliges.

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Click "Eiffel Tower" to continue.

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Okay, good. The guy who saves us isn't that shoemaker in the café that probably brags about his shoesize to the women all day. Thank you for finally showing some restraint, game. Felicia asks the man to escort her inside the club, and he obliges.

Right away, we're thrown into a game of UNO with Huston and five other people. A seven-player game, which is the most so far. Anyway, do your best, and win. During the match, Huston mentions how rude Felicia is, as far as she knows, behind her back. This doesn't go anywhere. Just one of those "A painfully obvious disguise somehow manages to fool someone, but they admit it, so it's supposed to be funny" jokes.

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I'm guessing that means "Safe travels, my friend."

Thier guess was right. Huston is in cahoots with the bad guys. Felicia heads off for her next assignment. U shows up, and gives us our next command card.

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This is the card that was foreshadowed earlier: the Green Sleep card. You play this card, then any number card on top of it. Then, you pick a player, and they lose that many turns. Given that the number cards go up to 9, this could be extremely damaging in the right circumstances.

U gives us our next location: Scotland. A person named "Mad Duke" is on the loose, who is also in cahoots with Madame Zero, and we need to stop him. And we'll do that next time.

Yeesh... This mission was hard to sit through. Ignoring the softlock, this chapter was just uncomfortable. Yeah, I understand back in the day this probably wasn't considered that offensive, and the only thing we should take from it is "what we just saw wasn't okay then, and it definitely isn't okay now", but still, oof.
Last edited by pgj1997 on Fri May 17, 2024 6:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Big Fish Games circa 2010 (?) was a wild place.

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In this mission, we're starting out by taking the family on a picnic in Scotland. To start, click "Picnic".

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Oh no! Our picnic is being interrupted by the some of weirdest people on the planet: furries!

Junior is scared and can't understand a word they're saying. I'm guessing because of their Scottish accent. One of the men said that a person named "Mad Marmaduke McHaggis" (there was a lot of a's in that name in the dialogue. Because sheep) owns this land and wants us to leave. They challenge us to a game of UNO, and if we beat them, we can stay. If we lose, they'll have to "feed the bairns somewhere else", whatever that means.

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Oh, that's nothing. If you want good confectionary, go to Japan. The stuff they come up with there is amazing.

Anyway, one of the men gives us something in return for feeding them, a secret handshake. They also reveal their names "Wooly Bullies". An animation of said handshake also played, but I wasn't quick enough to screenshot it.

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Just imagine both hands panning in from both sides of the screen. They collide, and the thumbs wiggle a little. That's basically all it amounted to.

Click "Festival" to continue.

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Yeah, and you had a character say "cowabunga" earlier. I don't think you're one to talk about what's hip with the kids these days, game.

Anyway, Junior sees a log throwing completion (just for brownie points, I looked up what this is called. "The Caber Toss"), and wants to join in. The dad gives him permission. Katie, meanwhile, goes to the petting zoo to pet some sheep. Presumably real sheep this time. Felicia heads off to the castle, presumably to start her mission in secret.

Click "Castle" to continue.

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With that racist remark from Felicia, she gives the Wooly Bully the secret handshake. This time, I managed to screenshot it.

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The Wooly Bully still won't let her in because she's not wearing a wooly cap.

Click "Festival" to continue.

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It's UNO time! The wooly bullies say they'll give her a wooly cap if we beat them. During the match, one of the players namedrops a character named "Misses Zilch". Obviously, he meant Madame Zero.

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I really hope Felicia isn't required to bleat like a goat all the time. This bleating makes the dialogue pretty hard to read.

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Hey, yeah. It somewhat matches the trenchcoat I picked. This is automatically applied to our character, and we will be wearing it throughout this mission.

Click "Castle" to continue.

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Calling it "A feast of fat things" isn't really saying much, considering that most animals are fed various foods before being slaughtered. Where do you think the term "fattening up" comes from? Anyway, the man challenges us to a game of UNO while we eat. It's officially an UNO party! Thankfully, we aren't playing "UNO Dare", or things would get awkward. Or even worse, "UNO Dare Adults Only", which would definitely push this game's E for Everyone rating out the window.

During this match, I did something really cool. I had a lot of cards in my hand, but eventually, I managed to draw the Green Sleep card. The next turn, I drew a Wild Draw 4, and changed the color to green. I had a 9 card in my hand, and the right type of cards left to clean out my hand in one fell swoop. And I didn't mention this, but when you play the Green Sleep card, you don't just place it on top of the discard pile, and then need to play another green card on top of it. No, any number card can be picked from your hand. Not just green ones. Then, it just disappears from your hand. What did I tell you? These command cards are super busted.

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For winning, we get a cute wind-up toy of the Loch Ness Monster. Which is also a nice little reference to the fact that the famous "Surgeon's Photograph" was actually a photo of a toy. More specifically, a makeshift plastic boat with a clay molding in the vague shape of a Plesiosaur on it.

Felicia admits that McHaggis isn't very good at UNO. McHaggis then mentions that there's trouble brewing in the Australian outback. Madame Zero is headed there searching for a map of an ancient UNO artifact. He suggests we meet up with someone named "Amaryliss Dundee", but not before giving us our next command card.

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This is the Green Highland Two-Step. It's basically a hand swap card. But we don't necessarily need to swap our hand with someone, just any two players.

Felicia thanks Marmaduke, and makes her way to the land down under (her words, not mine). Which we'll go to next time.

This mission was short but sweet. Didn't overstay its welcome too much, and had some admittedly fun characters to go along with it. Not much else to say except I liked it.

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