Hmm, did we just evade the death I remember most from this game?
Take Towel from Ford
(E: update on 2nd to last post of previous page)
If You're A Hoopy Frood, Where's Your Towel? Let's Play The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
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- Site Admin
God bless you! Okay, so let's do this. I've got a save at this point, because we're at the right number of actions, and so anything else that might happen now that we've dealt with the bulldozer is now entirely your fault.
After all, we've stopped the demolition of our home, for now, but we haven't done a single thing about the demolition of the home in which our home resides... Not that there's potentially a lot we can do, considering it's meant to happen an indeterminate amount of time within the same day. This is the 70s, after all.
> squelch
I don't know the word "squelch."
> take towel from Ford Prefect
As you take it, Ford says "Er, look, thanks for lending me the towel... Been nice knowing you... Got to go now..."
He smiles oddly and walks down the country lane.
Well... Congratulations for finding something I didn't even know existed (because Dad was helping me the first time I played.) A very short Dead Man Walking. Still, let's at least try to salvage this, using the command after it. After all, we can't tell him about the house if he's no longer around to be told about it.
> follow ford
You can't do that while you're lying down.
> get up
The bulldozer driver gives a quick chew of his gum and slams in the clutch. The bulldozer piles into your home.
Your home collapses in a cloud of dust, and a stray flying brick hits you squarely in the back of your head. You try to think of some suitable last words, but what with the confusion of the moment and the spinning of your head, you are unable to compose anything pithy and expire in silence.
> follow ford
You keep out of this, you're dead. An ambulance arrives.
> drink tea
You keep out of this, you're dead and should be concentrating on developing a good firm rigor-mortis. You are put in the ambulance, which drives away.
> ask for a cup of tea
For a dead person you are talking too much. As the ambulance reaches the mortuary a fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships unexpectedly arrives and demolishes the Earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
Welp. Still 10 points, but now we have learned something. We have learned not to accept this towel from Ford. Also that we can talk after death. Sort of. Who knows if that'll ever come in useful?
Nonetheless, the situation remains the same. We are lying in front of a bulldozer, which is about to demolish our home. And Ford is here, offering us the towel he loaned us, seemingly oblivious of our situation.
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- Site Admin
Okay, well... Let's see if any of that works...
> get up
...
We got up last time, remember? Three rounds of being dead, plus other fun stuff. So leaving, unfortunately, isn't going to happen until we know what to do here. We are being offered a towel, and we know taking it leads to a dead man walking scenario. So... What do we do?
> get up
...
We got up last time, remember? Three rounds of being dead, plus other fun stuff. So leaving, unfortunately, isn't going to happen until we know what to do here. We are being offered a towel, and we know taking it leads to a dead man walking scenario. So... What do we do?
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- Site Admin
Hrm, well, that would be a good idea, so let's mash that one and the one Oggy suggested (but alas, was interrupted by a brick to the head) suggested too.
> ask ford what he's doing here
You used the word "what" in a way I don't understand.
> what about my house, ford?
I don't know the word "ford?"
> what about my house ford
The sentence isn't one I recognise.
> talk to ford
Hmmm... Ford Prefect looks at you expectantly, as if you seemed to be about to talk.
Hrm. Bit of a sticky situation this. So it's a good time to introduce The Hint Line. You have 5 Hints you can call for, and each will give you the correct command (or series of actions, if the Hint Line is feeling generous.) And you earn more by successfully completing a particularly nasty puzzle without assistance (of which this is not really one.)
There's already a little bit of a hint in what we can't do. We can't get up. And we most definitely can't accept this towel, because then Ford will leave, we'll be dead (without having a cup of tea, no less), and worst of all, our house will be knocked down!
> ask ford what he's doing here
You used the word "what" in a way I don't understand.
> what about my house, ford?
I don't know the word "ford?"
> what about my house ford
The sentence isn't one I recognise.
> talk to ford
Hmmm... Ford Prefect looks at you expectantly, as if you seemed to be about to talk.
Hrm. Bit of a sticky situation this. So it's a good time to introduce The Hint Line. You have 5 Hints you can call for, and each will give you the correct command (or series of actions, if the Hint Line is feeling generous.) And you earn more by successfully completing a particularly nasty puzzle without assistance (of which this is not really one.)
There's already a little bit of a hint in what we can't do. We can't get up. And we most definitely can't accept this towel, because then Ford will leave, we'll be dead (without having a cup of tea, no less), and worst of all, our house will be knocked down!
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- Site Admin
Okay, well, interesting things happened as a result of that, including some more detail on what the heck that thing Arthur's aunt gave him, so yay!
> tell ford to go away
Ford, busy scanning the sky for something, ignores you.
> show ford the thing your aunt gave you
There were too many nouns in that sentence.
> i(nventory) (I needed to remind myself. After our inventory scrolls on, however...)
Ford glances uncomfortably at the sky. He tries to offer you the towel again.
> look at thing
Apart from a label on the bottom saying "Made In Ibiza" it furnishes you with no further clue to its purpose, if indeed it has one. You are surprised to see it because you thought you'd thrown it away. Like most gifts from your aunt, you've been trying to get rid of it for years.
Ford seems oblivious to you, so you ask "Ford, what about my home?" He looks startled, then guilty. He starts to say something and stops. He starts to say something else and stops. Suddenly he seems to see the bulldozer for the first time, stops starting to say things and starts.
He seems to come to a momentous decision, says he has something of Earth-shattering importance to you, and stresses the importance of a quick drink at the Horse'n Groom.
Pointing toward Prosser, you exclaim "But that man wants to knock my house down!" Ford goes off for a quiet word with Prosser. From where you're lying, you cannot hear what is happening, although they seem deeply engrossed in conversation.
So yes. All we needed to do was waste two moves, and Ford would finally listen to what we have to say (due to time pressure, if nothing else.) Because the next steps are a bit obvious, I'll save you the trouble.
> wait
Time passes...
Ford and Prosser stop talking and approach you. Ford says that Prosser has agreed to lie in your place so that the two of you can go off to the pub. Reluctantly, Prosser steps forward and lies down in front of the bulldozer. You stand up.
Fun fact: We can, in fact, reach the Pub before Ford. So that's exactly what we're going to do.
> s(outh)
Country Lane
The road runs from your home, to the north, toward the village pub, to your west.
> w(est)
Pub
The pub is pleasant and cheerful and full of pleasant and cheerful people who don't know they've got about twelve minutes left to live and are therefore enjoying a spot of lunch. Some music is playing on an old jukebox. The exit is east.
There is a barman serving at the bar.
Behind the bar is a shelf. It is full of the sorts of items you find on shelves behind bars in pubs.
> wait
Time passes...
Ford hurries after you.
Ford buys lots of beer and offers half to you. "Muscle relaxant..." he says, impenetrably.
> save
So... We're at the pub, aroundish the right time. The next step would appear somewhat obvious, wouldn't it? And Hitchhiker's fans know exactly how many beers we must drink. For those curious about the thing, "Show thing to Ford" gives us the result of the narrator telling us he probably isn't interested.
So! Time for more discussion of the book, radio, and tv series as opposed to what happens here! And, as before, the book wins hands down in terms of humour and detail. Although there is no offering of a towel. Yet.
The tv series (having the best Ford, by the way) and the radio show both have the same rough idea, with much the same dialogue, but the book mentions something that neither the radio series, the tv series, or the game does: That Mr. Prosser is, in fact, a descendant of Ghengis Khan. He has axes over the fireplace, because... Well, he likes axes! In times of stress, he has visions of horsemen rampaging and burning shit. And he likes the fluffy hat he wears, because fluffy headgear. But this isn't what I want to focus on. Nor is the fact that, in the book, the reason Ford gets Mr. Prosser to lie in front of the bulldozer isn't his argument (although we will quote the relevant argument), but the psychic ability he honed while playing a drinking game involving Old Janx Spirit. Although we may come back to that. Still, we shall show some of the discussion with both Arthur and Mr. Prosser, Arthur and Ford, and Ford and Mr. Prosser... Let's do this chronologically...
'Have you ever thought about going into advertising?'
Ouch...
Of course, Ford arrives. He does not offer Arthur a towel. And, in deference to thousands of years of evolution, Arthur does not pick fleas from Ford (Yes, that's from all three sources other than the game.) However...
EDIT: Nidoking quite correctly points out one significant difference between the radio play and the other three media.
So... Beer, we need beer, because it's a muscle relaxant, for unknown reasons. How many beers are we drinking, mmm?
> tell ford to go away
Ford, busy scanning the sky for something, ignores you.
> show ford the thing your aunt gave you
There were too many nouns in that sentence.
> i(nventory) (I needed to remind myself. After our inventory scrolls on, however...)
Ford glances uncomfortably at the sky. He tries to offer you the towel again.
> look at thing
Apart from a label on the bottom saying "Made In Ibiza" it furnishes you with no further clue to its purpose, if indeed it has one. You are surprised to see it because you thought you'd thrown it away. Like most gifts from your aunt, you've been trying to get rid of it for years.
Ford seems oblivious to you, so you ask "Ford, what about my home?" He looks startled, then guilty. He starts to say something and stops. He starts to say something else and stops. Suddenly he seems to see the bulldozer for the first time, stops starting to say things and starts.
He seems to come to a momentous decision, says he has something of Earth-shattering importance to you, and stresses the importance of a quick drink at the Horse'n Groom.
Pointing toward Prosser, you exclaim "But that man wants to knock my house down!" Ford goes off for a quiet word with Prosser. From where you're lying, you cannot hear what is happening, although they seem deeply engrossed in conversation.
So yes. All we needed to do was waste two moves, and Ford would finally listen to what we have to say (due to time pressure, if nothing else.) Because the next steps are a bit obvious, I'll save you the trouble.
> wait
Time passes...
Ford and Prosser stop talking and approach you. Ford says that Prosser has agreed to lie in your place so that the two of you can go off to the pub. Reluctantly, Prosser steps forward and lies down in front of the bulldozer. You stand up.
Fun fact: We can, in fact, reach the Pub before Ford. So that's exactly what we're going to do.
> s(outh)
Country Lane
The road runs from your home, to the north, toward the village pub, to your west.
> w(est)
Pub
The pub is pleasant and cheerful and full of pleasant and cheerful people who don't know they've got about twelve minutes left to live and are therefore enjoying a spot of lunch. Some music is playing on an old jukebox. The exit is east.
There is a barman serving at the bar.
Behind the bar is a shelf. It is full of the sorts of items you find on shelves behind bars in pubs.
> wait
Time passes...
Ford hurries after you.
Ford buys lots of beer and offers half to you. "Muscle relaxant..." he says, impenetrably.
> save
So... We're at the pub, aroundish the right time. The next step would appear somewhat obvious, wouldn't it? And Hitchhiker's fans know exactly how many beers we must drink. For those curious about the thing, "Show thing to Ford" gives us the result of the narrator telling us he probably isn't interested.
So! Time for more discussion of the book, radio, and tv series as opposed to what happens here! And, as before, the book wins hands down in terms of humour and detail. Although there is no offering of a towel. Yet.
The tv series (having the best Ford, by the way) and the radio show both have the same rough idea, with much the same dialogue, but the book mentions something that neither the radio series, the tv series, or the game does: That Mr. Prosser is, in fact, a descendant of Ghengis Khan. He has axes over the fireplace, because... Well, he likes axes! In times of stress, he has visions of horsemen rampaging and burning shit. And he likes the fluffy hat he wears, because fluffy headgear. But this isn't what I want to focus on. Nor is the fact that, in the book, the reason Ford gets Mr. Prosser to lie in front of the bulldozer isn't his argument (although we will quote the relevant argument), but the psychic ability he honed while playing a drinking game involving Old Janx Spirit. Although we may come back to that. Still, we shall show some of the discussion with both Arthur and Mr. Prosser, Arthur and Ford, and Ford and Mr. Prosser... Let's do this chronologically...
There is one area where the tv series improves this. One line, added.Mr Prosser said, ‘You were quite entitled to make any suggestions or protests at the appropriate time, you know.’
‘Appropriate time?’ hooted Arthur. ‘Appropriate time? The first I knew about it was when a workman arrived at my home yesterday. I asked him if he’d come to clean the windows and he said no he’d come to demolish the house. He didn’t tell me straight away, of course. Oh no. First he wiped a couple of windows and charged me a fiver. Then he told me.’
‘But, Mr Dent, the plans have been available in the local planning office for the last nine months.’
‘Oh yes, well as soon as I heard I went straight round to see them, yesterday afternoon. You hadn’t exactly gone out of your way to call attention to them, had you? I mean like actually telling anybody or anything.’
‘But the plans were on display . . .’
‘On display? I eventually had to go down to the cellar to find them.’
‘That’s the display department.’
‘With a torch.’
‘Ah, well the lights had probably gone.’
‘So had the stairs.’
‘But look, you found the notice, didn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ said Arthur, ‘yes I did. It was on display in the bottom of a locked filing cabinet stuck in a disused lavatory with a sign on the door saying Beware of the Leopard.’
'Have you ever thought about going into advertising?'
Ouch...
Of course, Ford arrives. He does not offer Arthur a towel. And, in deference to thousands of years of evolution, Arthur does not pick fleas from Ford (Yes, that's from all three sources other than the game.) However...
And finally, although I'm having to cut a fair bit for this quote, about Prosser being uncomfortable, people sniggering at him, the vague visions of rampaging horsemen, etcetera, this is how Ford's argument (which we missed in game, but do not anywhere else) goes...‘Look, don’t you understand?’ shouted Arthur. He pointed at Prosser. ‘That man wants to knock my house down!’
Ford glanced at him, puzzled. ‘Well, he can do it while you’re away, can’t he?’ he asked.
‘But I don’t want him to!’
‘Ah.’
‘Look, what’s the matter with you, Ford?’ said Arthur.
‘Nothing. Nothing’s the matter. Listen to me – I’ve got to tell you the most important thing you’ve ever heard. I’ve got to tell you now, and I’ve got to tell you in the saloon bar of the Horse and Groom.’
‘But why?’
‘Because you’re going to need a very stiff drink.’
This argument is pretty much verbatim, excepting the confusion of Mr. Prosser before Ford asks him to lie down, in the tv and radio series, and I'd highly recommend watching the series for Ford's charm in it. Ford was played by David Dickson, and... Well, he gets a lot of the character across very well!‘Yes? Hello?’ he called.
‘Has Mr Dent come to his senses yet?’
‘Can we for the moment,’ called Ford, ‘assume that he hasn’t?’
‘Well?’ sighed Mr Prosser.
‘And can we also assume,’ said Ford, ‘that he’s going to be staying here all day?’
‘So?’
‘So all your men are going to be standing around all day doing nothing?’
‘Could be, could be . . .’
‘Well, if you’re resigned to doing that anyway, you don’t actually need him to lie here all the time, do you?’
‘What?’
‘You don’t,’ said Ford patiently, ‘actually need him here.’
Mr Prosser thought about this. ‘Well no, not as such . . .’ he said, ‘not exactly need . . .’ Mr Prosser was worried. He thought that one of them wasn’t making a lot of sense.
Ford said, ‘So if you would just like to take it as read that he’s actually here, then he and I could slip off down to the pub for half an hour. How does that sound?’
Mr Prosser thought it sounded perfectly potty. ‘That sounds perfectly reasonable . . .’ he said in a reassuring tone of voice, wondering who he was trying to reassure.
‘And if you want to pop off for a quick one yourself later on,’ said Ford, ‘we can always cover for you in return.’
‘Thank you very much,’ said Mr Prosser, who no longer knew how to play this at all, ‘thank you very much, yes, that’s very kind . . .’ He frowned, then smiled, then tried to do both at once, failed, grasped hold of his fur hat and rolled it fitfully round the top of his head. He could only assume that he had just won.
‘So,’ continued Ford Prefect, ‘if you would just like to come over here and lie down . . .’
‘What?’ said Mr Prosser.
‘Ah, I’m sorry,’ said Ford, ‘perhaps I hadn’t made myself fully clear. Somebody’s got to lie in front of the bulldozers, haven’t they? Or there won’t be anything to stop them driving into Mr Dent’s house, will there?’
‘What?’ said Mr Prosser again.
‘It’s very simple,’ said Ford, ‘my client, Mr Dent, says that he will stop lying here in the mud on the sole condition that you come and take over from him.’
‘What are you talking about?’ said Arthur, but Ford nudged him with his shoe to be quiet.
‘You want me,’ said Prosser, spelling out his new thought to himself, ‘to come and lie there . . .’
‘Yes.’
‘In front of the bulldozer?’
‘Yes.’
‘Instead of Mr Dent.’
‘Yes.’
‘In the mud.’
‘In, as you say, the mud.’
EDIT: Nidoking quite correctly points out one significant difference between the radio play and the other three media.
We do not talk about movie ford. Or the movie. Thanks.Nidoking wrote: ↑Mon Jun 29, 2020 4:41 pmIf I recall correctly, and I'm quite sure I do, the radio play version of the argument that allows Arthur to leave the duty of stopping the bulldozer in the capable hands of Mr. Prosser differed in one major respect, which was that it was Arthur and not Ford who delivered it.
In verifying that with my copy of the scripts, I'm further reminded that it doesn't even end with Prosser lying in the mud. It probably wouldn't have worked as well in the audio format anyway.
So... Beer, we need beer, because it's a muscle relaxant, for unknown reasons. How many beers are we drinking, mmm?
If I recall correctly, and I'm quite sure I do, the radio play version of the argument that allows Arthur to leave the duty of stopping the bulldozer in the capable hands of Mr. Prosser differed in one major respect, which was that it was Arthur and not Ford who delivered it.
In verifying that with my copy of the scripts, I'm further reminded that it doesn't even end with Prosser lying in the mud. It probably wouldn't have worked as well in the audio format anyway.
In verifying that with my copy of the scripts, I'm further reminded that it doesn't even end with Prosser lying in the mud. It probably wouldn't have worked as well in the audio format anyway.
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- Site Admin
I like the way you think, LPFinale, let's try and psych out the game!
> drink beer
It's very good beer, brewed by a small local company. You particularly like its flavour, which is why you woke up feeling so wretched this morning. You were at somebody's birthday party here in the pub last night.
You begin to relax and enjoy yourself, so when Ford mentions that he's from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, not from Guildford as he usually claims, you take it in your stride, and say "Oh yes, which part?"
> drink beer
It really is very pleasant stuff, with a very good dry, nutty flavour, some light froth on top, and a deep colour. It is at exactly room temperature. You reflect that the world cannot be all bad with such pleasures in it.
Ford mentions that the world is going to end in twelve minutes.
> drink beer
There is a distant crash which Ford explains is nothing to worry about, just your house being knocked down.
Well, normally what would happen, and does happen in the novels, is that we leap into action, out the pub, and to the already ruined home, yelling vile threats desperately at the bulldozers until the Vogon Constructor Fleet makes itself known. But we're psyching out the game. Not doing what it expects. Catching it off guard...
> drink beer
You can hear the sounds of your house being demolished, and the taste of the beer sours in your mouth.
You get drunk and have a terrific time for twelve minutes, are the life and soul of the Pub, tell some really great stories, make everyone laugh a lot, and they all clap you on the back and tell you what a great chap you are and then the Earth unexpectedly gets demolished. You wake up with a hangover that lasts all eternity.
As it turns out, the text adventure knew what we were doing, and was waiting for us with another gruesome, Old Text Adventure Death(TM). But it did reveal to us we want three beers, and probably to try and do something about our house being wrecked. There was something about the world ending, but our house is being knocked down, damn you and your fairy stories, Ford!
> drink beer
It's very good beer, brewed by a small local company. You particularly like its flavour, which is why you woke up feeling so wretched this morning. You were at somebody's birthday party here in the pub last night.
You begin to relax and enjoy yourself, so when Ford mentions that he's from a small planet in the vicinity of Betelgeuse, not from Guildford as he usually claims, you take it in your stride, and say "Oh yes, which part?"
> drink beer
It really is very pleasant stuff, with a very good dry, nutty flavour, some light froth on top, and a deep colour. It is at exactly room temperature. You reflect that the world cannot be all bad with such pleasures in it.
Ford mentions that the world is going to end in twelve minutes.
> drink beer
There is a distant crash which Ford explains is nothing to worry about, just your house being knocked down.
Well, normally what would happen, and does happen in the novels, is that we leap into action, out the pub, and to the already ruined home, yelling vile threats desperately at the bulldozers until the Vogon Constructor Fleet makes itself known. But we're psyching out the game. Not doing what it expects. Catching it off guard...
> drink beer
You can hear the sounds of your house being demolished, and the taste of the beer sours in your mouth.
You get drunk and have a terrific time for twelve minutes, are the life and soul of the Pub, tell some really great stories, make everyone laugh a lot, and they all clap you on the back and tell you what a great chap you are and then the Earth unexpectedly gets demolished. You wake up with a hangover that lasts all eternity.
As it turns out, the text adventure knew what we were doing, and was waiting for us with another gruesome, Old Text Adventure Death(TM). But it did reveal to us we want three beers, and probably to try and do something about our house being wrecked. There was something about the world ending, but our house is being knocked down, damn you and your fairy stories, Ford!
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- Site Admin
Well, we shall skip to the part where we've drunk the three beers, Ford has rather carelessly mentioned that Arthur's house is being knocked down (because it genuinely is, unbeknownst to Arthur, unimportant), and now...
> e(ast)
Country Lane
You see the bulldozer heaving itself among the cloud of brick dust which is all that remains of your home. As you start up the lane, a small dog runs up to you, yapping.
Ford hurries after you.
> n(orth)
You reach the site of what was your home. It is now a pile of rubble. Mr. Prosser looks sheepishly triumphant, a trick few people can do, as it requires a lot of technically complex deltoid muscle work.
Front of House
Mr. Prosser, from the local council, is standing on the other side of the bulldozer. He seems to be wearing a digital watch.
Ford hurries after you.
> Yell at Prosser
You begin to get a sore throat.
> jump
Wasn't that fun?
With a noise like a cross between Led Zeppelin's farewell concert and the eruption of Krakatoa, a huge fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships flies overhead and announces that the Earth will be demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass in "two of your Earth minutes."
In all the turmoil, you drop the thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is and it rolls away. It is the least of your worries. Anyway, you've been trying to get rid of it for years.
> look at ships
The fleet consists of terrifying numbers of huge, ugly, yellow ships, all scarred with the results of many such past demolition jobs. Chicago's John Hancock tower, knocked about a bit and painted yellow, is what they each look like. That is, knocked about a bit, painted yellow, and flying.
The vast yellow ships thunder across the sky, spreading waves of terror and panic in their wake. The voice of the Vogon Captain slams across the country, insisting that the planning charts and demolition orders have been available at the local planning office in Alpha Centauri for fifty years and it's too late to start making a fuss about it now.
Throughout the noise, Ford is shouting at you. He removes a small black device from his satchel, but accidentally drops it at your feet.
The device is obviously important, so we'll pick it up (and I'm going to make another save at this point.)
> take device
Taken.
Fierce gales whip across the land, and thunder bangs continuously through the air in the wake of the giant ships. Ford fights to reach you, but the wind is too fierce. Further announcements from the Captain make it clear that demolition will begin just a few seconds.
Through the blinding rain, you see lights flickering on the small device.
> look device
The electronic Sub-Etha signalling device is shaped like a small fist with an extended thumb. Various lights along its "knuckles" are currently blinking wildly, indicating a spaceship in the vicinity. It has two small buttons, a red one labelled "Call Engineer" and a green one labelled "Hitchhike." It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation." Affixed to the thumb is a lifetime guarantee.
Well, it's moderately obvious which button we're meant to push. But still, there's no going back once we've done this.
Not that there's time to do anything unless we restore, but still, pushing either of these buttons means we leave Earth forever. Whether it's as space dust or a bathrobe and pyjama wearing ape descendant is up to us.
> e(ast)
Country Lane
You see the bulldozer heaving itself among the cloud of brick dust which is all that remains of your home. As you start up the lane, a small dog runs up to you, yapping.
Ford hurries after you.
> n(orth)
You reach the site of what was your home. It is now a pile of rubble. Mr. Prosser looks sheepishly triumphant, a trick few people can do, as it requires a lot of technically complex deltoid muscle work.
Front of House
Mr. Prosser, from the local council, is standing on the other side of the bulldozer. He seems to be wearing a digital watch.
Ford hurries after you.
> Yell at Prosser
You begin to get a sore throat.
> jump
Wasn't that fun?
With a noise like a cross between Led Zeppelin's farewell concert and the eruption of Krakatoa, a huge fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships flies overhead and announces that the Earth will be demolished to make way for a new hyperspace bypass in "two of your Earth minutes."
In all the turmoil, you drop the thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is and it rolls away. It is the least of your worries. Anyway, you've been trying to get rid of it for years.
> look at ships
The fleet consists of terrifying numbers of huge, ugly, yellow ships, all scarred with the results of many such past demolition jobs. Chicago's John Hancock tower, knocked about a bit and painted yellow, is what they each look like. That is, knocked about a bit, painted yellow, and flying.
The vast yellow ships thunder across the sky, spreading waves of terror and panic in their wake. The voice of the Vogon Captain slams across the country, insisting that the planning charts and demolition orders have been available at the local planning office in Alpha Centauri for fifty years and it's too late to start making a fuss about it now.
Throughout the noise, Ford is shouting at you. He removes a small black device from his satchel, but accidentally drops it at your feet.
The device is obviously important, so we'll pick it up (and I'm going to make another save at this point.)
> take device
Taken.
Fierce gales whip across the land, and thunder bangs continuously through the air in the wake of the giant ships. Ford fights to reach you, but the wind is too fierce. Further announcements from the Captain make it clear that demolition will begin just a few seconds.
Through the blinding rain, you see lights flickering on the small device.
> look device
The electronic Sub-Etha signalling device is shaped like a small fist with an extended thumb. Various lights along its "knuckles" are currently blinking wildly, indicating a spaceship in the vicinity. It has two small buttons, a red one labelled "Call Engineer" and a green one labelled "Hitchhike." It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation." Affixed to the thumb is a lifetime guarantee.
Well, it's moderately obvious which button we're meant to push. But still, there's no going back once we've done this.
Not that there's time to do anything unless we restore, but still, pushing either of these buttons means we leave Earth forever. Whether it's as space dust or a bathrobe and pyjama wearing ape descendant is up to us.
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- Site Admin
Okay, so... Some of this will work. Some of it will not. And some of that is related to who actually did things in the book. Still, we're going to push the green button when the time comes.
Pub
> Take towel
Taken.
Okay, funnily enough, I wasn't actually expecting that to work. But since we can take the towel in the Vogon Ship (and must), this makes a kind of sense. So score one for you!
However, we wish to buy or take the peanuts, and...
> buy peanuts
However much you clear your throat, wave your forefinger, or wiggle your eyebrows, the barman pays no attention, but carries on wiping another part of the bar.
> take peanuts
The barman snaps "Hands off until you pay for it!"
"Drink the beer," urges Ford "It will help cushion your system against the coming shock of the matter transference beam."
We'll skip the drinking, and the getting of the device, but I'm going to do something helpful. I'm going to solve the puzzle immediately following this, and then let you deal with a potential death, and a potential Dead Man Walking, connected to one of the most infamous puzzles of the game.
> press green button
Lights whirl sickeningly around your head, the ground arches away below your feet, and every atom of your being is scrambled, an experience you're probably going to have to get used to. You are in...
Dark
Huh. Well... Looking probably won't do much good, but what the hell...
> look
You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there.
> think
I don't know the word "think."
> feel
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear, nothing you can feel, nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you are.
> listen
(to darkness) There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear, nothing you can feel, nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you are.
> lick
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear, nothing you can feel, you do not even know who you are.
> smell
(darkness)
It does smell a bit. There's something pungent being waved under your nose. Your head begins to clear. You can make out a shadow moving in the dark.
> look at shadow
The shadow is vaguely Ford Prefect shaped.
Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an airlock lies to starboard.
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass contains:
An Atomic Vector Plotter.
Ford removes the bottle of Santraginean Mineral Water which he's been waving under your nose. He tells you that you are aboard a Vogon spaceship, and gives you some peanuts.
> look at dispensing machine
The dispenser is tall, has a button at about eye level, and says "Babel Fish" in large letters. Anything dispensed would probably come out of the slot at around knee level. It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation."
That last label should tell you we're in for some pain. The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation is infamous in the world of The Hitchhiker's Guide, with a Marketing Division who have been described as "A bunch of mindless jerks who will be first up against the wall when The Revolution comes" (present) and "A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first up against the wall when The Revolution came" (a future edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that fell through a time warp.) They're the creators of several of the devices we'll see in this game, and anytime you see it, you can safely assume the phrase "Does not work as intended" is your best case scenario.
So yes... The Babel Fish is an extremely useful thing. Ford, in all the media, got the peanuts, causing quite a ruckus and finally getting the barman to realise that yes, the world's about to end. And we are now entering the infamous Babel Fish Puzzle.
Good luck... You'll need it.
Pub
> Take towel
Taken.
Okay, funnily enough, I wasn't actually expecting that to work. But since we can take the towel in the Vogon Ship (and must), this makes a kind of sense. So score one for you!
However, we wish to buy or take the peanuts, and...
> buy peanuts
However much you clear your throat, wave your forefinger, or wiggle your eyebrows, the barman pays no attention, but carries on wiping another part of the bar.
> take peanuts
The barman snaps "Hands off until you pay for it!"
"Drink the beer," urges Ford "It will help cushion your system against the coming shock of the matter transference beam."
We'll skip the drinking, and the getting of the device, but I'm going to do something helpful. I'm going to solve the puzzle immediately following this, and then let you deal with a potential death, and a potential Dead Man Walking, connected to one of the most infamous puzzles of the game.
> press green button
Lights whirl sickeningly around your head, the ground arches away below your feet, and every atom of your being is scrambled, an experience you're probably going to have to get used to. You are in...
Dark
Huh. Well... Looking probably won't do much good, but what the hell...
> look
You can't hear anything, see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything, and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there.
> think
I don't know the word "think."
> feel
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear, nothing you can feel, nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you are.
> listen
(to darkness) There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear, nothing you can feel, nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you are.
> lick
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear, nothing you can feel, you do not even know who you are.
> smell
(darkness)
It does smell a bit. There's something pungent being waved under your nose. Your head begins to clear. You can make out a shadow moving in the dark.
> look at shadow
The shadow is vaguely Ford Prefect shaped.
Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an airlock lies to starboard.
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass contains:
An Atomic Vector Plotter.
Ford removes the bottle of Santraginean Mineral Water which he's been waving under your nose. He tells you that you are aboard a Vogon spaceship, and gives you some peanuts.
> look at dispensing machine
The dispenser is tall, has a button at about eye level, and says "Babel Fish" in large letters. Anything dispensed would probably come out of the slot at around knee level. It bears a small label which reads "Another fine product of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation."
That last label should tell you we're in for some pain. The Sirius Cybernetics Corporation is infamous in the world of The Hitchhiker's Guide, with a Marketing Division who have been described as "A bunch of mindless jerks who will be first up against the wall when The Revolution comes" (present) and "A bunch of mindless jerks who were the first up against the wall when The Revolution came" (a future edition of the Encyclopedia Galactica that fell through a time warp.) They're the creators of several of the devices we'll see in this game, and anytime you see it, you can safely assume the phrase "Does not work as intended" is your best case scenario.
So yes... The Babel Fish is an extremely useful thing. Ford, in all the media, got the peanuts, causing quite a ruckus and finally getting the barman to realise that yes, the world's about to end. And we are now entering the infamous Babel Fish Puzzle.
Good luck... You'll need it.
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- Site Admin
Muahahaha, yes, overly optimistic indeed, as we're going to see! So...
>Talk to Ford
Hmmm... Ford Prefect looks at you expectantly, as if you seemed to be about to talk.
> Get Babel Fish
You can't see any Babel Fish here!
> Push dispenser button
A single Babel Fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and through a small hole in the wall, just under a metal hook.
I saved you a little noun hunting, because the dispenser button is different to the green button, the red button, and maybe whatever's going on with that glass case. But yes... Welcome to the Babel Fish puzzle. Our goal - To get a Babel Fish.
I did warn you that whenever you see a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation label, you should be worried...
>Talk to Ford
Hmmm... Ford Prefect looks at you expectantly, as if you seemed to be about to talk.
> Get Babel Fish
You can't see any Babel Fish here!
> Push dispenser button
A single Babel Fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and through a small hole in the wall, just under a metal hook.
I saved you a little noun hunting, because the dispenser button is different to the green button, the red button, and maybe whatever's going on with that glass case. But yes... Welcome to the Babel Fish puzzle. Our goal - To get a Babel Fish.
I did warn you that whenever you see a Sirius Cybernetics Corporation label, you should be worried...
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- Site Admin
Now, to simulate original conditions (IE - You don't know what limits you have), I will not be reloading until something, one way or the other, happens. So... We have saved a move, however, and we're going to be saving another one.
Or...
>hang towel on hook on wall
You're not holding the towel.
We most definitely are, game. Still, let's try some things. First, let's confirm that we do, in fact, have the towel. Then we can try to hold the towel. Then we can try verbs on the hook.
>take towel
You already have it.
You begin to feel distinctly groggy.
>hold towel
You already have it.
You begin to feel indistinctly groggy.
>put towel on hook
You're not holding the towel.
You begin to feel very indistinct.
>put towel over hole
You're not holding the towel.
Your serious allergic reaction to protein loss from matter transference beams becomes a cause celebre amongst various holistic pressure groups in the Galaxy and leads to a total ban on dematerialisation. Within fifty years, space travel is replaced by a keen interest in old furniture restoration and market gardening. In this new, quieter Galaxy, the art of telepathy flourishes as never before, creating a new universal harmony which brings all life together, converts all matter into thought and brings about the rebirth of the entire Universe on a higher and better plain of existence.
However, none of this affects you, because you are dead.
Hrm... There might have been something important we forgot to do. Maybe we should do it before we work out what other long, clothy object we might be able to use, since H2G2 refuses to acknowledge the existence of the towel at this very specific moment in time?
Still, hey, our deaths aren't all meaningless in the grand scheme of things! But, y'know, that whole "Us being not able to experience it, on account of being dead" is a small detail I think we might take issue with...
Or...
>hang towel on hook on wall
You're not holding the towel.
We most definitely are, game. Still, let's try some things. First, let's confirm that we do, in fact, have the towel. Then we can try to hold the towel. Then we can try verbs on the hook.
>take towel
You already have it.
You begin to feel distinctly groggy.
>hold towel
You already have it.
You begin to feel indistinctly groggy.
>put towel on hook
You're not holding the towel.
You begin to feel very indistinct.
>put towel over hole
You're not holding the towel.
Your serious allergic reaction to protein loss from matter transference beams becomes a cause celebre amongst various holistic pressure groups in the Galaxy and leads to a total ban on dematerialisation. Within fifty years, space travel is replaced by a keen interest in old furniture restoration and market gardening. In this new, quieter Galaxy, the art of telepathy flourishes as never before, creating a new universal harmony which brings all life together, converts all matter into thought and brings about the rebirth of the entire Universe on a higher and better plain of existence.
However, none of this affects you, because you are dead.
Hrm... There might have been something important we forgot to do. Maybe we should do it before we work out what other long, clothy object we might be able to use, since H2G2 refuses to acknowledge the existence of the towel at this very specific moment in time?
Still, hey, our deaths aren't all meaningless in the grand scheme of things! But, y'know, that whole "Us being not able to experience it, on account of being dead" is a small detail I think we might take issue with...
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- Site Admin
This is quite correct, we really ought to replenish our protein stocks, and peanuts are rich in those! Still, to keep track, so far we have:
- talked to Ford (hrm, every time we just try "talk", it doesn't work. Maybe, at some point, we could talk... about something?
- Pushed the dispenser button once, and watched our first Babel Fish disappear into a hole under a hook. Our towel does not, apparently, count as long enough to cover the hole. Or maybe not wide enough?
Anyway, peanuts!
> Eat peanuts
You feel stronger as the peanuts replace some of the protein you lost in the matter transference beam
Good. We are now no longer under threat from this (short) Dead Man Walking. But we still have a Babel Fish to get, and we don't actually know (yet) how many are in the dispenser, or what other nasty surprises may (definitely) await us...
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- Site Admin
-
- Site Admin
That's... A complicated series of events. And I'm going to play nice, and tell you that you're overcomplicating it. Doesn't help that I'm fucking with you a little, talking to ford about a thing just leads to "That's a sentence I don't recognise." Talking to people at certain points in the game does lead to things... But it's 95% easter eggs, and so will come at the end.
Still, a dressing gown does seem like the right thing...
> take off gown
Okay, you're no longer wearing your gown.
> put gown on hook
The gown is now hanging from the hook, covering a tiny hole.
> push dispenser button
A single Babel Fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the dressing gown and falls to the floor, vanishing through the grating of a hitherto unnoticed drain.
Ford yawns. "Matter transference always tires me out, I'm going to take a nap." He places something on top of his satchel. "If you have any questions, here's the 'Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' (Footnote 14).
Ford lowers his voice to a whisper. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but you'll never be able to finish the game without consulting the guide about lots of stuff." As he curls up in the corner and begins snoring, you pick up the Hitchhiker's Guide.
Well then! Since we want to be able to consult the guide whenever, and we can restore at any point, I'm going to make a save called "Guide" here, so we can consult the guide about things whenever we want. After all, it uses a turn, and we don't want to be doing that in most situations. I'll give some examples in this post.
Now... A drain. You're probably beginning to see why this puzzle is so infamous. But the full reason it's infamous has not been made clear. Yet. We have pressed the button twice, wasting two Babel Fish.
> consult guide about vogons
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:
Vogons, whose specialties are bureaucracy and planet-smashing, are the most unpleasant race in the galaxy. They wouldn't think twice about throwing someone into space, and wouldn't lift a finger to save their own grandmother from the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal. Also see the entries on Vogon Poetry and the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
> consult guide about babel fish
The Guide checks through its Sub-Etha-Net database and eventually comes up with the following entry:
A mind-bogglingly improbable creature. A Babel Fish, when placed in one's ear, allows one to understand any language.
These are, naturally, very abridged versions of the Guide segments in question. However, I do wonder if...
> consult guide about Eccentrica Gallumbits
I don't know the word "Eccentrica"
> consult guide about Eroticon 6
I don't know the word "Eroticon"
Well, nope, the game did not take the option of having an entry for the Triple Breasted Sex Worker of Eroticon 6 (Yes, I'm paraphrasing.) Nor did it take the opportunity to plug Bureacracy, or Zork. But we now have a save where we can just consult the guide, because we're probably going to die on save "Guide."
Your blood pressure just went up
Well then, baby steps.
> restore before first babel fish
> eat peanuts
> take off gown
> put gown on hook
> put towel over grate
> push dispenser button
As for Vogon poetry, I think Nik Kershaw's 'The Riddle' isn't quite the bollocks he claims it to be, it's more like he succeeded in turning Vogon poetry into a song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDygS0a6Tgo
Well then, baby steps.
> restore before first babel fish
> eat peanuts
> take off gown
> put gown on hook
> put towel over grate
> push dispenser button
As for Vogon poetry, I think Nik Kershaw's 'The Riddle' isn't quite the bollocks he claims it to be, it's more like he succeeded in turning Vogon poetry into a song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDygS0a6Tgo
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- Site Admin
Ehehehe... A reminder, that until we see how evil the puzzle actually is, no reloads.Oggy wrote: ↑Tue Jul 07, 2020 5:44 amYour blood pressure just went up
Well then, baby steps.
> restore before first babel fish
> eat peanuts
> take off gown
> put gown on hook
> put towel over grate
> push dispenser button
As for Vogon poetry, I think Nik Kershaw's 'The Riddle' isn't quite the bollocks he claims it to be, it's more like he succeeded in turning Vogon poetry into a song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDygS0a6Tgo
Still, let's see what happens once the towel covers the drain and we try again. I'll spoil this now: We're going to lose another Babel Fish.Jamie The Cruel wrote:Now, to simulate original conditions (IE - You don't know what limits you have), I will not be reloading until something, one way or the other, happens. So... We have saved a move, however, and we're going to be saving another one.
> put towel over grate
The towel completely covers the drain.
> push dispenser
Pushing the Babel Fish dispenser does nothing.
> push dispenser button
A single Babel Fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot zips through the panel, and is gone.
Your blood pressure just went up
Oh, I can already tell I'm going to scream when we inevitably have to discover there's a 5th or 6th thing somehow conspiring against our attempts to not be galactically screwed in communications.
I don't recall what else we have beyond loose knickknacks, but what if we tried:
> put guide in front of panel
If all else fails, book.
I don't recall what else we have beyond loose knickknacks, but what if we tried:
> put guide in front of panel
If all else fails, book.
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- Site Admin
Hrm, it's possible. I'll wait for other suggestions, since I'm sleepy. Remember, our inventory is pretty much unchanged, and reading back for things you might have missed is a very good idea, especially for when it comes to solving the Dead Man Walking we're already in, when we need to go back and solve it (I'm going to need to type a fair few commands unless we're very lucky. EDIT: Unless I'm very lucky. Arthur's very, very dead at this point, although he won't know it for an indeterminate amount of time.)
Now, let's see... That's three times we've pressed the button. And we can all guess it isn't going to be as simple as one more move. So far, we've done well to quickly identify the problems, so you might actually get the Babel Fish on the first try! If we fail, well, I'll demonstrate the Dead Man Walking (a short one), and we'll have a head-start on the final step of the infamous Babel Fish puzzle.
Now, let's see... That's three times we've pressed the button. And we can all guess it isn't going to be as simple as one more move. So far, we've done well to quickly identify the problems, so you might actually get the Babel Fish on the first try! If we fail, well, I'll demonstrate the Dead Man Walking (a short one), and we'll have a head-start on the final step of the infamous Babel Fish puzzle.
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- Site Admin
LPFinale wrote: ↑Tue Jul 07, 2020 8:21 amOh, I can already tell I'm going to scream when we inevitably have to discover there's a 5th or 6th thing somehow conspiring against our attempts to not be galactically screwed in communications.
I don't recall what else we have beyond loose knickknacks, but what if we tried:
> put guide in front of panel
If all else fails, book.
Okay, so I'm going to assume you're going to "Push dispenser button" to test the theory, and since the thing our aunt gave us but we don't know what it is rolled away during the Vogon destruction of Earth, we can't use that. The Guide... Well, we don't know if it'll be gotten rid of. But what the hell, let's try it. Also see if we can look up footnote 14 in the Guide on the Guide save.
> consult guide about footnote 14
You used the word "footnote" in a way I don't understand.
> put guide in front of panel
Okay, the Hitchhiker's Guide is sitting in front of the tiny robot panel.
> push dispenser button
A single Babel Fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot zips around the Hitchhiker's Guide, through the panel, and is gone.
Ah. Well, better than us losing it! Still... That clearly didn't work. What about the satchel?
> take satchel (I wasted a move here trying to just put the satchel down, but I have the feeling this will be irrelevant soon. We don't appear to be on a timer, after all.)
Taken.
> put satchel in front of panel
Okay, the satchel is lying on its side in front of the robot panel.
> push dispenser button
A single Babel Fish shoots out of the slot. It sails across the room and hits the dressing gown. The fish slides down the sleeve of the gown and falls to the floor, landing on the towel. A split-second later, a tiny cleaning robot whizzes across the floor, grabs the fish, and continues its breakneck pace toward a tiny robot panel at the base of the wall. The robot plows into the satchel, sending the Babel Fish through the air in a graceful arc. A small upper-half-of-the-room cleaning robot flies into the room, catching the Babel Fish (which is all the flying junk it can find), and exits.
Well... At least that last one gave us a clue as to what to do about it? But keep note, there's no panel involved here, it came in through the door, which we can't lock, so barring something is no longer the solution here.
Also, for no apparent reason, I'd like to say: Ehehehehe, woohooohoohoo, MUAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!