THE HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY
Infocom Interactive Fiction - a science fiction story
Copyright (c) 1984 by Infocom Inc. All rights reserved.
Release 59/Serial Number 851108
You wake up. The room is spinning gently round your head. Or at least it
would be if you could see it but you can't.
It is pitch black.
>
So begins an epic journey. A journey that starts with one, perfectly ordinary man: Arthur Dent. Little does he know, his house is about to be demolished to make way for a new bypass. And he definitely doesn't know about anything else that's going on.
The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy is a sometimes infamous text adventure, based on the comic science fiction series by the late, great Douglas Adams. And we will be playing it together, you and I. I'll be using the joys of saving often, saving frequently, in order to attempt to complete this game with you. I sure didn't, when I was younger. I think I threw my hands up and ragequit at REDACTED.
There is at least one dead man walking scenario that will only make you deaded halfway through the game.
It is an old text adventure, with all that implies.
Let's see if you do better, forum. With that, let's remind ourselves where we are.
You wake up. The room is spinning gently round your head. Or at least it
would be if you could see it but you can't.
It is pitch black.
>
If You're A Hoopy Frood, Where's Your Towel? Let's Play The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy
-
- Site Admin
I hear you there, Artix! (It's so hard. So... So hard...)
Nonetheless, Artix has the right of it! The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation, not Ye Ancient British Computer) version has images, but, suffice to say, we won't be using them for now.
>Turn the lights on
Good start to the day. Pity it's going to be the worst one of your life. The light is now on.
Bedroom, in the bed.
The bedroom is a mess.
It is a small bedroom with a faded carpet and old wallpaper. There is a washbasin, a chair with a tatty dressing gown slung over it, and a window with the curtains drawn. Near the exit leading south there is a phone.
There is a flathead screwdriver here (outside the bed)
There is a toothbrush here (outside the bed)
Honourable mentions go to "find your towel" and "Make sure there aren't any grues!"
Let's see what happens when we try that, shall we?
> Look for a grue
"I don't know the word "grue"
> Find your towel
It's too dark to see!
There are two reasons I'm restarting, by the way. The first is that I have to be logged into the BBC site to save (and bugger that at 4AM), and the second is... Secret. (EDIT: Now that I've taken the two minutes of effort, however, I've saved at the beginning and will be using all your inputs. Muahahaha)
Nonetheless, Artix has the right of it! The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation, not Ye Ancient British Computer) version has images, but, suffice to say, we won't be using them for now.
>Turn the lights on
Good start to the day. Pity it's going to be the worst one of your life. The light is now on.
Bedroom, in the bed.
The bedroom is a mess.
It is a small bedroom with a faded carpet and old wallpaper. There is a washbasin, a chair with a tatty dressing gown slung over it, and a window with the curtains drawn. Near the exit leading south there is a phone.
There is a flathead screwdriver here (outside the bed)
There is a toothbrush here (outside the bed)
Honourable mentions go to "find your towel" and "Make sure there aren't any grues!"
Let's see what happens when we try that, shall we?
> Look for a grue
"I don't know the word "grue"
> Find your towel
It's too dark to see!
There are two reasons I'm restarting, by the way. The first is that I have to be logged into the BBC site to save (and bugger that at 4AM), and the second is... Secret. (EDIT: Now that I've taken the two minutes of effort, however, I've saved at the beginning and will be using all your inputs. Muahahaha)
-
- Site Admin
Yeah, that was a nice, easy one. I did miss one however, so let's try that one now.
> sleep
You nod off and are wakened briefly a few hours later as your home is unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new bypass. You are seriously injured in the process, but on your way to the hospital a fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships unexpectedly arrives and demolishes the Earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
Next time, try turning on the light.
We are about to give you your score. Put on your peril sensitive sunglasses now (Hit RETURN or ENTER when ready)
>
Your score is 0, out of a possible 400, in 0 turns.
Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, or end this session of the game? (Type RESTART, RESTORE, or QUIT)
>RESTORE
Omigod, spoilers!
Anyway, yes, a nice, early lesson in what our stakes are. Also how mean this game is. Now...
> look for grue
> find your towel
> turn on the light
> get out of bed
Very difficult, but you manage it. The room is still spinning. It dips and sways a little.
>
Progress!
> sleep
You nod off and are wakened briefly a few hours later as your home is unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new bypass. You are seriously injured in the process, but on your way to the hospital a fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships unexpectedly arrives and demolishes the Earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
Next time, try turning on the light.
We are about to give you your score. Put on your peril sensitive sunglasses now (Hit RETURN or ENTER when ready)
>
Your score is 0, out of a possible 400, in 0 turns.
Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, or end this session of the game? (Type RESTART, RESTORE, or QUIT)
>RESTORE
Omigod, spoilers!
Anyway, yes, a nice, early lesson in what our stakes are. Also how mean this game is. Now...
> look for grue
> find your towel
> turn on the light
> get out of bed
Very difficult, but you manage it. The room is still spinning. It dips and sways a little.
>
Progress!
-
- Site Admin
Well, the last actions let the cat out of the bag, so for now, let's do the sensible actions. I'll be slowing down both to let more people input, to eat food, and to build up some commands for what is now some very obvious reasons... Still, that's three sensible actions, let's see what results!
> take dressing gown
Luckily, this is large enough for you to get hold of. You notice something in the pocket.
> Put on dressing gown.
You are now wearing your gown.
> Open curtains
As you part the curtains, you see that it is a bright morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the meadows are blooming, and a large yellow bulldozer is advancing on your home.
Welp. Oh, inventory, good call!
> Inventory
You have:
A splitting headache
no tea
your gown (being worn)
No tea? MONSTROUS!
> take dressing gown
Luckily, this is large enough for you to get hold of. You notice something in the pocket.
> Put on dressing gown.
You are now wearing your gown.
> Open curtains
As you part the curtains, you see that it is a bright morning, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the meadows are blooming, and a large yellow bulldozer is advancing on your home.
Welp. Oh, inventory, good call!
> Inventory
You have:
A splitting headache
no tea
your gown (being worn)
No tea? MONSTROUS!
-
- Site Admin
Mmmm, yes, spend those delicious, delicious actions... 
> check pocket
I don't know the word "check."
> look in pocket
Opening your gown reveals a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is, a buffered analgesic, and some pocket fluff.
> make tea
You're talking complete nonsense. Pull yourself together!
> remember to remedy the absence of tea in the not-so-distant future
I don't know the word "remedy"
I don't know the word "future"
Well, that last one's a bit ominous, isn't it? Nonetheless, it's a good time to point out that when it doesn't know the word, it doesn't count it as a turn spent. This will be valuable information in the future.
Nonetheless, we have a bulldozer outside, let's get out!
> exit house
Did you have any particular direction in mind?
Whoops. This apparently counted as a move, by my count. So, note for the future: Cardinal directions, plus up and down! Oh, and we can wait. Let's not do that, considering.
> s(outh)
You miss the door by a good eighteen inches. The wall jostles you rather rudely.
Ah. I think we have a minor hangover problem. Which isn't helping our situation.
> check pocket
I don't know the word "check."
> look in pocket
Opening your gown reveals a thing your aunt gave you which you don't know what it is, a buffered analgesic, and some pocket fluff.
> make tea
You're talking complete nonsense. Pull yourself together!
> remember to remedy the absence of tea in the not-so-distant future
I don't know the word "remedy"
I don't know the word "future"
Well, that last one's a bit ominous, isn't it? Nonetheless, it's a good time to point out that when it doesn't know the word, it doesn't count it as a turn spent. This will be valuable information in the future.
Nonetheless, we have a bulldozer outside, let's get out!
> exit house
Did you have any particular direction in mind?
Whoops. This apparently counted as a move, by my count. So, note for the future: Cardinal directions, plus up and down! Oh, and we can wait. Let's not do that, considering.
> s(outh)
You miss the door by a good eighteen inches. The wall jostles you rather rudely.
Ah. I think we have a minor hangover problem. Which isn't helping our situation.
-
- Site Admin
Excellent choices, the first principle of adventuring is to pick up everything not nailed down (unless it turns out to be a dead man walking, in which case, haha, hope you had a save way back when it happened! 
)
I'm going to save some trouble (and a command) on the inventory front: Right now, we're wearing our bathrobe, which has three things in it, a thing Arthur's aunt gave him (but he doesn't know what it is), some pocket fluff, and some buffered analgesics (read: Headache cure.) He has no tea, and a splitting headache. Now, let's try and get those items!
> Pick up screwdriver
You're certainly picking the tough tasks. The floor acts like a trampoline on an ice rink, or like something they've been working on for years at Disneyland.
> Pick up toothbrush
You lunge for it, but the room spins nauseatingly away. The floor gives you a light tap on the forehead.
Wow. That's a really bad hangover, folks! Oh, and we're at 12 moves now. Just so you know.
EDIT: Oh, wait... 13 moves...
> Get ye flask
I don't know the word "Ye"
Oooh, lucky you, that doesn't count! 12 moves and counting!
)I'm going to save some trouble (and a command) on the inventory front: Right now, we're wearing our bathrobe, which has three things in it, a thing Arthur's aunt gave him (but he doesn't know what it is), some pocket fluff, and some buffered analgesics (read: Headache cure.) He has no tea, and a splitting headache. Now, let's try and get those items!
> Pick up screwdriver
You're certainly picking the tough tasks. The floor acts like a trampoline on an ice rink, or like something they've been working on for years at Disneyland.
> Pick up toothbrush
You lunge for it, but the room spins nauseatingly away. The floor gives you a light tap on the forehead.
Wow. That's a really bad hangover, folks! Oh, and we're at 12 moves now. Just so you know.
EDIT: Oh, wait... 13 moves...
> Get ye flask
I don't know the word "Ye"
Oooh, lucky you, that doesn't count! 12 moves and counting!
-
- Site Admin
As you might have guessed, you can't do anything except pick up the bathrobe and take the analgesic until that headache clears. So let's deal with previous getting type moves while we're at it. But first...
> look analgesic
Use prepositions to indicate precisely what you want to do. LOOK AT the object, LOOK INSIDE it, LOOK UNDER it, etc.
> look at analgesic
You see nothing special about the buffered analgesic.
> eat analgesic
You swallow the tablet. After a few seconds the room begins to calm down and behave in an orderly manner. Your terrible headache goes.
> pick up screwdriver
Taken.
> pick up toothbrush
As you pick up the toothbrush a tree outside the window collapses. There is no causal relationship between these two events.
Ruh roh. I think we might have forgotten about something we blearily saw earlier. In any case, the text doesn't tell us anything useful about what is, yes, aspirin. So in the original game, this would have been a completely wasted move. But in the BBC version, it shows an image that tells you exactly what it does and is.
Nonetheless, we are at 17 moves. And I have the suspicion we won't have many more...
> look analgesic
Use prepositions to indicate precisely what you want to do. LOOK AT the object, LOOK INSIDE it, LOOK UNDER it, etc.
> look at analgesic
You see nothing special about the buffered analgesic.
> eat analgesic
You swallow the tablet. After a few seconds the room begins to calm down and behave in an orderly manner. Your terrible headache goes.
> pick up screwdriver
Taken.
> pick up toothbrush
As you pick up the toothbrush a tree outside the window collapses. There is no causal relationship between these two events.
Ruh roh. I think we might have forgotten about something we blearily saw earlier. In any case, the text doesn't tell us anything useful about what is, yes, aspirin. So in the original game, this would have been a completely wasted move. But in the BBC version, it shows an image that tells you exactly what it does and is.
Nonetheless, we are at 17 moves. And I have the suspicion we won't have many more...
-
- Site Admin
Okay then! Well, obviously, there's an order we must do things, and for totally arbitrary reasons, we shall try to brush our teeth first.
> brush teeth
(With the toothbrush)
Congratulations on your fine dental hygiene.
> s(outh)
You rush down the stairs in a panic.
Front Porch
This is the enclosed front porch of your home. Your front garden lies to the south, and you can re-enter your home to the north.
On the doormat is a pile of junk mail.
Ah, well... We're not out of the house yet...
> brush teeth
(With the toothbrush)
Congratulations on your fine dental hygiene.
> s(outh)
You rush down the stairs in a panic.
Front Porch
This is the enclosed front porch of your home. Your front garden lies to the south, and you can re-enter your home to the north.
On the doormat is a pile of junk mail.
Ah, well... We're not out of the house yet...
-
- Site Admin
Mmm, those adventurer instincts serving you well. You never know when you might need a large pile of paper and tacky card filled with credit card offers and promises that if you switch to another phone provider (Haha, this is Britain in the late 1970s, what other phone providers?)
Nonetheless...
> take junk mail
You gather up the pile of mail.
Astoundingly, a bulldozer pokes through your wall. However, you have no time for surprise because the ceiling is collapsing on you as your home is unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new bypass. You are seriously injured in the process, but on your way to the hospital a fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships unexpectedly arrives and demolishes the earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
Better luck next life.
Good news, though, we scored 10 out of 400 this time!
So... 19 moves before you're crushed. That's pretty generous for an old text adventure, but it's just starting out. Actions you need to take are, in order:
- Turn on the light
- Get out of bed
- Take dressing gown
- Wear dressing gown
- Eat analgesic. (Maybe take, too)
- Get Screwdriver
- Get Toothbrush (Maybe?)
- South
- Get Junk Mail
- South
- ???
Hrm... That's... finger math... 11 turns to get out of the house. Yeaaaah, that's relatively generous. But, as we know, there's a Vogon Constructor Fleet headed to Earth to blow it up. What the hell are we going to do?
Nonetheless...
> take junk mail
You gather up the pile of mail.
Astoundingly, a bulldozer pokes through your wall. However, you have no time for surprise because the ceiling is collapsing on you as your home is unexpectedly demolished to make way for a new bypass. You are seriously injured in the process, but on your way to the hospital a fleet of Vogon Constructor Ships unexpectedly arrives and demolishes the earth to make way for a new hyperspace bypass.
Better luck next life.
Good news, though, we scored 10 out of 400 this time!
So... 19 moves before you're crushed. That's pretty generous for an old text adventure, but it's just starting out. Actions you need to take are, in order:
- Turn on the light
- Get out of bed
- Take dressing gown
- Wear dressing gown
- Eat analgesic. (Maybe take, too)
- Get Screwdriver
- Get Toothbrush (Maybe?)
- South
- Get Junk Mail
- South
- ???
Hrm... That's... finger math... 11 turns to get out of the house. Yeaaaah, that's relatively generous. But, as we know, there's a Vogon Constructor Fleet headed to Earth to blow it up. What the hell are we going to do?
-
- Site Admin
Right, well... This time, let's do it right! I'll skip all the commands except s(outh), which is where we were at.
> s(outh)
Front of House
You can enter your home to the north. A path leads around it to the northeast and northwest, and a country lane is visible to the south. All that lies between your home and the huge yellow bulldozer bearing down on it is a few yards of mud.
Mr. Prosser, from the local council, is standing on the other side of the bulldozer. He seems to be wearing a digital watch. He looks startled to see you emerge, and yells at you to get out of the way.
The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.
> save
Goodness me, that is a pickle we're in, isn't it? Well, obviously, the priority is to save our home! What else is there to do?
So... Now's as good a time as any to talk about... The book. Many folks will be aware of the book, because... Well, it's a bestseller, and a classic of science fiction comedy, heavy in surreal elements, and part of the reason the book's continuity shifted so much before Douglas Adams' death is that the radio play (the original form) informed the writing of the book, that then, in turn, affected the radio play, and then the TV series hit, so Douglas did a lot of chopping and changing as the series went on, riffing between all three sources.
Funnily enough... Only the book goes into greater detail. The TV series briefly shows Arthur waking up, seeing the bulldozer, and rushing down the stairs, bam, where we are now. The radio play pretty much skips the waking up part, and starts at the bulldozer. The book, however...
Put it like this... This is a small segment from the time he wakes up to the time he actually registers what's going on.
So far... The game has only diverged in that we needed aspirin, that we picked up some junk mail, and, if we'd thought of it, could use the phone to realise it's been disconnected (It's a miracle the power hadn't, honestly. Or lousy council planning. Probably the latter.)
However, it's going to diverge pretty wildly later on, and I want folks to see, and to maybe get this little book, or the series, to see what all the fuss is about.
> s(outh)
Front of House
You can enter your home to the north. A path leads around it to the northeast and northwest, and a country lane is visible to the south. All that lies between your home and the huge yellow bulldozer bearing down on it is a few yards of mud.
Mr. Prosser, from the local council, is standing on the other side of the bulldozer. He seems to be wearing a digital watch. He looks startled to see you emerge, and yells at you to get out of the way.
The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.
> save
Goodness me, that is a pickle we're in, isn't it? Well, obviously, the priority is to save our home! What else is there to do?
So... Now's as good a time as any to talk about... The book. Many folks will be aware of the book, because... Well, it's a bestseller, and a classic of science fiction comedy, heavy in surreal elements, and part of the reason the book's continuity shifted so much before Douglas Adams' death is that the radio play (the original form) informed the writing of the book, that then, in turn, affected the radio play, and then the TV series hit, so Douglas did a lot of chopping and changing as the series went on, riffing between all three sources.
It goes on in the introduction before we even meet Arthur Dent, but you can already see the humour and style. And it permeates the whole series. Now... How does this compare to the book, the TV series, and the radio play?Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral Arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-two million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea.
Funnily enough... Only the book goes into greater detail. The TV series briefly shows Arthur waking up, seeing the bulldozer, and rushing down the stairs, bam, where we are now. The radio play pretty much skips the waking up part, and starts at the bulldozer. The book, however...
Put it like this... This is a small segment from the time he wakes up to the time he actually registers what's going on.
It's still only a short while later (a mere three paragraphs) before he finally connects the dots, rushes downstairs, and... Scene change, but it's great.At eight o’clock on Thursday morning Arthur didn’t feel very good. He woke up blearily, got up, wandered blearily round his room, opened a window, saw a bulldozer, found his slippers, and stomped off to the bathroom to wash.
Toothpaste on the brush – so.
Scrub. Shaving mirror – pointing at the ceiling. He adjusted it. For a moment it reflected a second bulldozer through the bathroom window. Properly adjusted, it reflected Arthur Dent’s bristles. He shaved them off, washed, dried, and stomped off to the kitchen to find something pleasant to put in his mouth.
Kettle, plug, fridge, milk, coffee. Yawn.
The word bulldozer wandered through his mind for a moment in search of something to connect with.
The bulldozer outside the kitchen window was quite a big one. He stared at it.
‘Yellow,’ he thought and stomped off back to his bedroom to get dressed.
So far... The game has only diverged in that we needed aspirin, that we picked up some junk mail, and, if we'd thought of it, could use the phone to realise it's been disconnected (It's a miracle the power hadn't, honestly. Or lousy council planning. Probably the latter.)
However, it's going to diverge pretty wildly later on, and I want folks to see, and to maybe get this little book, or the series, to see what all the fuss is about.
Remind me, was the game out before the Trilogy in Four Parts?
> put towel on mud
-
- Site Admin
No, it wasn't, as far as I know. Checking... Yeah, radio play in 78, first book (on which this is based. Loosely) was 81, and then this in 84. 
I'll wait for a few more suggestions on actions before posting, but yeah, if you know the books, most of this part will be obvious to you.
Most
I'll wait for a few more suggestions on actions before posting, but yeah, if you know the books, most of this part will be obvious to you.
Most
-
- Site Admin
Oooh, I suddenly realised I hadn't noted an important fact about The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy... The theme song for both the radio show and the TV series is actually an Eagles song: Journey of the Sorceror
> lie down in front of bulldozer
And here's the archive link to the Bureaucracy LP for those who missed it: https://lparchive.org/Bureaucracy/
E: YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE JUST WENT UP
And here's the archive link to the Bureaucracy LP for those who missed it: https://lparchive.org/Bureaucracy/
E: YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE JUST WENT UP
-
- Site Admin
Okay, that was a nice sleep, and I see people have various ideas as to how you want to deal with the bulldozer, so... Let's try them out!
> Take watch
You can't. It's not yours. It's Prosser's and it's private.
The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.
> run at bulldozer
That sentence isn't one I recognise.
> lie down in front of bulldozer
You lie down in the path of the advancing bulldozer. Prosser yells at you to for chrissake move!!!
That's right, we're now lying in front of the bulldozer. I'm going to take over this next bit, because, obviously, we want to stay laid in front of the bulldozer. That homewrecker's not getting any closer to our beauty!
> wait
Time passes...
The bulldozer thunders towards you. The ground is shaking beneath you as you lie in the mud.
> wait
Time passes...
The noise of the giant bulldozer is now so violently loud that you can't even hear Prosser yelling to warn you that you will be killed if you don't get the hell out of the way. You just see him gesticulating wildly.
> wait
Time passes...
With a horrible grinding of gears the bulldozer comes to an abrupt halt just in front of you. It shakes, shudders, and emits noxious substances all over your rose bed. Prosser is incoherent with rage.
Moments later, your friend Ford Prefect arrives. He hardly seems to notice your predicament, but keeps glancing nervously at the sky. He says "Hello Arthur," takes a towel from his battered leather satchel, and offers it to you.
Confused? Don't worry, Arthur's as confused as you are.
> Take watch
You can't. It's not yours. It's Prosser's and it's private.
The bulldozer rumbles slowly toward your home.
> run at bulldozer
That sentence isn't one I recognise.
> lie down in front of bulldozer
You lie down in the path of the advancing bulldozer. Prosser yells at you to for chrissake move!!!
That's right, we're now lying in front of the bulldozer. I'm going to take over this next bit, because, obviously, we want to stay laid in front of the bulldozer. That homewrecker's not getting any closer to our beauty!
> wait
Time passes...
The bulldozer thunders towards you. The ground is shaking beneath you as you lie in the mud.
> wait
Time passes...
The noise of the giant bulldozer is now so violently loud that you can't even hear Prosser yelling to warn you that you will be killed if you don't get the hell out of the way. You just see him gesticulating wildly.
> wait
Time passes...
With a horrible grinding of gears the bulldozer comes to an abrupt halt just in front of you. It shakes, shudders, and emits noxious substances all over your rose bed. Prosser is incoherent with rage.
Moments later, your friend Ford Prefect arrives. He hardly seems to notice your predicament, but keeps glancing nervously at the sky. He says "Hello Arthur," takes a towel from his battered leather satchel, and offers it to you.
Confused? Don't worry, Arthur's as confused as you are.