Who is Gwent? Let's Play the entire Witcher series blind!

Put your Let's Plays in here.
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Episode 16: "Okay but I'm not cheating on Triss"

In retrospect, the number of sex scenes was drastically reduced between Witchers 1 and 2. At the very least, I only found the one sex scene with Ves in Witcher 2, whereas I had a lot of collectible cards to censor in Witcher 1. At this point, I don't know which way Witcher 3 will lean on this.

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Episode 17: "Did I die from that?"

Spoiler alert: No, I didn't die from it.

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Episode 18: "This looks bad"

After the... 'understated' meeting of Yennefer earlier in the game, I probably should have been expecting this likewise tepid reaction in the first meeting with Triss.

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Episode 19: "I literally don't know where to find Triss"

I do find Triss in a later episode, eventually. Sort of.

Which segues into the topic of backlog. It turns out that I want to play Witcher 3 because it's a good and compelling game, and even with editing afterward, I am building up a lot of unpublished videos. Great for my Patreon patrons with early access, not great for my memory. I am going to do my best to publish videos on a regular schedule going forward (leaning toward Sunday/Tuesday/Friday).

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Episode 20: "Hello, cat"

It can be so hard for me to do the simplest things. Like read the names of cities, or find people who are marked with icons on the map.

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Episode 21: "Just witcher business"

If there's one thing that's easier in video games than in real life, it's placating children.

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Episode 22: "Don't worry, I've got a horse"

Even denizens of The Witcher series are touching up their photos to look better than they actually do in real life.

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Episode 23: "What eats money?"

It's the moment I've been dreading. The moment when he appears. The source of all my woes.

Fucking Dandelion....

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Episode 24: "I like Dandelion even less now"

Today's episode combines the annoyance of chasing after Dandelion with the annoyance of horse racing. Only one of these activities has a tangible reward.

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Episode 25: "It'll never play on Broadway" :nws:

I'm sorry if I forgot to tag any episodes as NWS because it comes to mind now that I probably did. In any case, nonsense with Dandelion will dominate the main quest for a while and I hate it. Dandelion was fine as a side character in Witcher 1 but 2 and 3 have him as too much of a narcissistic asshole to be endearing.

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Episode 26: "Let me do the thing to the thing"

Just as an FYI to people, when I say things like the episode title above, substituting "thing" for whatever word I actually mean, it's because my brain cannot come up with the correct word in the moment. It is a genuine struggle.

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Episode 27: "Let's find a crafter"

I don't find a crafter :negative:

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Episode 28: "Buckets of ducats"

Look, if I'm going to pretend to turn Triss over to the bad guy, the bad guy could at least pretend to pay me.

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Episode 29: "Did I not suffer enough?"

My desire for a crafter leads me into Hattori's sidequest against my will.

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Episode 30: "Too soon!"

I don't know why, but for some reason I was just in a mood to yell things at characters in this episode.

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Episode 31: "We'll do it the fun way"

I was promised a casino, but all I got was the 'no' part of it.

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Episode 32: "That's very convenient"

It's pretty disheartening to have the things I look forward to doing end up so terrible.

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Episode 33: "No, you're crazy" :nws:

Trigger warning: This episode contains scenes of sexual violence, or perhaps more accurately "aftermath of heavily implied sexual violence" but still, tread carefully.

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Episode 34: "Can Dijkstra narrate my adventures?" :nws:

This video is NSFW for the much more wholesome sort of female nudity that doesn't usually require a trigger warning.

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Episode 35: "I have done something horribly wrong"

I must admit, I was not expecting this sidequest to go down like this.

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Episode 36: "I don't belove Dandelion"

Is it just me, or is there significantly more effort required to deal with Dandelion than any other part of the main quest so far? Seriously, it feels like an objectively disproportionate amount of the game compared to errands run around Velen, and not just my dislike for Dandelion making it seem worse in my own mind.

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Episode 37: "Yeah this play sucks"

Either I stumbled ass-backward into some correct choices, or none of the choices mattered. But do you know what really doesn't matter? Dandelion.

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Episode 38: "Or this could be happening"

Years of playing Skyrim has kind of soured me on settings like Skellige. Curse you, Todd Howard!

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Episode 39: "Is that how you pronounce that word?"

Gee, if Skellige had been my introduction to Yennefer, I would have a much higher opinion of Yennefer. Too bad my choice has already been made!

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Episode 40: "Oh hey, I have another thing"

If this were any other Witcher game, I'd be done by now! Instead I'm stuck on a puzzle that I should have been able to figure out easily, were it not for the cognitive impairment.

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Episode 41: "I'm not gonna click on it" :nws:

Today's episode is double-demonetized I guess because there are two topless women in a sauna instead of just one. I don't know.

I also don't know how I feel about Yennefer, but Ciri is still cool.

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Episode 42: "Why am I getting this in the middle of the game?"

For some reason, missing out on content is triggering massive anxiety for me. That's probably to the game's credit; I certainly didn't feel like I was missing out while playing Witcher 1 or 2. But that anxiety is continuing to color my decision-making in the game.

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Episode 43: "It's like 90% gimmicks"

It feels awfully late in the game to finally start giving these guys characterization, but that is more forgivable than just repeating the characterization of Berengar on someone else.

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Episode 44: "You roofied a vampire"

Foreshadowing alert: this isn't the last time roofies come up in this game.

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Episode 45: "Eskel plus goat equals now"

The quality of my commentary suggests that maybe I shouldn't try to make videos while heavily medicated, but the quality of the title quote suggests that maybe I should.

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Episode 46: "That did literally nothing to help me"

I can't resist the siren song of the sidequest, but maybe I should have.

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I'm still several videos behind, but it is impressive how much yak-shaving there was to get through the main plot line here. I honestly almost forgot that the Wild Hunt is supposed to be a big thing when they showed up after being absent so long from the game with their name in the title.

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Episode 48: "All I needed to do was get on the boat"

I'm finally over the anxiety that built up around this quest. I want to say it's the devs' fault for signposting this quest so heavily, but I realize that my anxiety is my own problem and not the game's. This is why I tend toward completionism, I guess.

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Episode 49: "It's Snow White"

I bet the plot dump annoys a lot of players, but as someone who has obviously been struggling with cognitive impairment for this entire series, I appreciate the catch-up. Especially given the amount of side content this game has.

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Episode 50: "Neither of those sound particularly useful"

I wish I could say that I timed it out so that episode 50 had the big climactic confrontation, but instead it's the prelude to said big climactic confrontation.

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Episode 51: "You just look stupid now"

As long as this game (and LP) is, I have a feeling that this is the Act 2 midpoint. Which of course means I'm wrong and the game's going to somehow end in 9 episodes.

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Episode 52: "What about red pandas?"

It took 52 episodes, but Geralt has finally made progress against the titular antagonist.

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Episode 53: "It's been a while since I saw one of these" :nws:

It's more nudity I never asked for, but at least it doesn't require a trigger warning. I don't think.

And with that, that's the end of my backlog. Between the rapidly approaching holiday and my descent into Cyberpunk 2077, I may be taking a short break from this LP. Don't worry, I'll still finish it, no matter how many people don't want me to.

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Episode 54: "Not remotely as interesting as The Lusty Argonian Maid"

Geralt is back, and befitting the seasonal consumerism, the episode opens with trying to find a store that will take back his unwanted presents.

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